Just For Women?
Jun 30, 2009 advertisment, tv
Just saw a commercial (not on Lifetime) for First Response’s new Fertility Test for Women. I was zoned out until I heard the woman in the commercial call it “the first ever home-fertility test just for women.” I’ll admit that the sciences were never my best subjects – hence the Business degree – but if there are fertility tests out there that aren’t just for women, then who the hell are they for?
Tags: box, coochie lips, Labia, sex
Andy Milonakis Responds To Will.I.Am / Perez Hilton throw down
Jun 30, 2009 celebrities
Andy Milonakis is one of the most overlooked YouTube personalities of our time, and is also known to lay down some heavy hip hop tracks. In his latest entry, he responds to the Will.I.AM / Perez Hilton fight by calling them both faggots.
Billy Mays Last Interviews
Jun 30, 2009 celebrities, pop culture, tv
If there is a way for a pitchman to go out on top, Billy Mays has done it. Unlike Michael Jackson, who past just before is final concert tour, Billy died days before the release of the July/August edition of Playboy in which he is interview by Pat Jordan.
The interview mentions the love and hate people have for Mays, having both websites ” dedicated to fans who want to have his baby, though most of those fans are gay men who like so-called hairy bears” as well as “haters [who] refer to him as ‘an asinine piece of shit,’ ‘a public nuisance’ and an asshole.”
Mays is even quoted in the interview saying “Life’s a pitch, then you buy.”
Sadly the terrible site TMZ ended up with the Billy’s final interview, a 20 second pitch for hard heads.
Tags: billy mays, michael jackson, playboy, tmz
Desperate for Party Themes
Desperate for themes for their kids’ next major party, parents turn to this year’s hot topic for inspiration. Swine Flu Parties are the new hot shit, and more and more families are hosting town-wide gatherings to help bring their kids together…and eliminate the competition for Homecoming King or Queen.
SFPs, as they’re known on the street, mainly consist of pig roasts and bacon grease fights (think jello wrestling); hot dogs are a must. Children vote for the “Pigs of the Party,” electing the trashiest girls and boys in attendance. One parent even demonstrates safe sex techniques, which she calls doing it “piggy style.”
Says Juanita, “I can’t wait for next week’s party – I’m puttin’ on my tightest hoochie skirt. That crown is mine.”
Lafawndu, another local teen, echoes her sentiments: “Those otha bitches best not be frontin. I gon be the queen pig this year and ain’t nobody gonna fuck wit me.”
Maurice, a fourth grade student, can think of nothing more exciting than his friend’s upcoming party: “I thought that I would not be welcome after I called my friend Jacob’s mom a skeet drinking ho, but apparently there are no hard feelings. I just picked up some new docksiders for the occasion.”
Some are not so fond of the idea of SWPs. Local mom Hailey May says “What kind of moron would hold a Swine Flu Party? What kind of message does that send our children? Everyone knows that Millionaires and Trophy Wives is the proper theme for such an occasion. I am trying to instill some values in my daughter.”
Her neighbor Melissa disagrees: “Millionaires and Trophy Wives? Such trash. I would never let my daughter near anything less than a Billionaire. That middle-class bitch better stay off my property or I’ll be releasing the hounds.”
So whether or not you’re a fan of this theme, I have a feeling that it’s going to be huge all over college campuses this fall. Can anyone say “social theme!?”
Tags: Swine Flu
World of Warcraft Freakout
Jun 30, 2009 idiots, internet, video
First of all, let me throw it out there that I think this video is fake.
Cancelled WoW Account Meltdown – Watch more Funny Videos
I the idea is this kid’s mom cancelled his WOW account (probably cause his teachers didn’t throw some d’s on that bitch). Anyway, this video pans out one of two ways: its real or its fake — lets take a quick look at either options — I posit that neither are really good for the authors or actors.
- It’s real. Have you ever been so upset about anything (let’s forget for a second its a crappy computer game that emo kids and michael jackson clones creepy old men play) that you tried, in a fit of rage, to shove a remote control up your ass? @1:11 this closet-homosexual (should have guessed by the WOW, I guess) attempts just that.
- It’s fake. Even less of an excuse to attempt to shove a remote up your ass. Moreover, smacking yourself in the head… with a shoe noless (1:24) is not a legit reaction to anything really. Finally, the excorcist-inspired seizure at 1:33 is a little over the top too — I just don’t think acting like an idiot is the same as being upset.
I don’t really care if you want to fake a scenario, plan it all out, video yourselves doing it, then post it to break.com — I mean, its probably more educational than playing WOW, but go out and try to get your dick wet man — I’ll tell you what though, leave the remote-in-the-ass shit at home — it won’t fly with the ladies.
Racist Transformers? Fuck that shit, nucka!
Jun 29, 2009 movie
So with the second installment of Transformers about to hit the 400 million dollar mark, you would think it would be a sign of a quality movie with little complaints. Oh, on the contrary!
Blogs have been going nuts over the accusation that some of the transformers are racist. It is reported that the twin transformers have the following characteristics:
- They note they can not read when asked to help solve a problem
- They have big ears that flop around
- They have big buck teeth
- One tooth is gold
- They use alot of ‘ghetto’ slang
- Both are definitely not very intelligent
Oh yeah, and it thats not enough, their names are “skids” and “mudflap.”
I know what your thinking…oh snap, thats so racist, Michael Bay hates black people. Well hey, if they arent saying “It’s Gon Rain!”, or running on menthol cigarettes and Colt 45, who cares?
As a matter of fact, why not throw in a token white transformer. It can talk about airline miles, quote lines from Dumb and Dumber, and run on Starbucks and its own sense of self satisfaction, knowing that even if it puts in minimal effort through the first 30 years of its life, it will still probably end up alllllright in the end. This should be a good starting place
Tags: Racism, Transformers
Nice ‘n Easy
Jun 29, 2009 advertisment, pop culture, tv
Watching TV tonight I notice a familiar face in a Nice ‘n Easy commercial. None other than corporate hottie Angela Kinsey, who plays Angela Martin on The Office. I never noticed she had Charlie Sheen disease when it came to character names. Here are some bloopers from the commercial:
Tags: angela, nice 'n easy, the office
That’s Hot
Jun 29, 2009 celebrities, music, nsfw, sex, she could get it
Just saw the video for Cobra Starship’s Good Girls Go Bad, which is so new the entire thing isn’t even on youtube (I know, right?). There’s a really hot blonde in the video, and after doing some googling, I realized it was Gossip Girl hottie Leighton Meester. Yeah, that Leighton Meester. I clearly don’t watch the CW, and I probably never will, but with her porno and all there’s really no need (briefcase and brass knuckles probably has the link). Or if you’re one of those prudes, it’s definitely worth watching the music video.
It’s a pretty fun song, but there’s a flaw here because there are no such things as good girls. If a girl tells you that you can’t come in because she’s a good girl, what she’s really saying is that she’s holding out for someone to buy her bigger gifts and a more expensive dinner. So try again Don Juan, your Target gift card isn’t gonna cut it.
Tags: Leighton Meester, sex tape
What the Fuck Perez Hilton?
Jun 29, 2009 celebrities, idiots, internet
The dumbass with the unfunny blog posted an audio clip of the 911 call placed by Billy Mays’ wife. No one wants to listen to that, and I’m sure his family loves that this is blasted all over the internet. Get some tact you piece of shit.
:* Kisses…
Tags: perez hilton
Lady Gaga: “I want to take a ride on your disco stick”… WHAT??
Jun 29, 2009 celebrities, music
23 year old Lady Gaga strikes again with a smash club hit “Love Games”.
As far as I’m concerned, “smash club hit” means some annoying, over-produced song by a terrible artist — and this song is no exception.
What is different about this song, however, is the ridiculous lyrics in the hook:
Lets have some fun, this beat is sick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
Don’t think too much, just bust that stick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
Hearing this I was forced to write an email to my friend Lady, sections of which are below:
Hey Lady,
I just heard your song about the disco stick. I mean, you’re talking about riding dick, right? Why don’t you just say so. It’s not clever at all — I mean, there isn’t even such a thing as a disco stick. It would be different if you said like “pogo stick” or even just had the balls to say “teeny dick” (cause we know all… about… the… hottie’s who go to clubs). Plus, 50 cent already made the joke with the (insert random word here) stick. His was better too. Much better. A magic stick is capable of things unimaginable — but a disco stick? What is that capable of?
Also, you should talk to google and send them some pictures of you in normal clothes, because when I just now did a google image search, you came up in some ugly shit (something that looked like a trashbag, something that looked like an 80’s aerobics jumpsuit, you just look straight busted here, etc.) See what you can do about that…
kthxbai,
Corporate Thuggin’
