Desperate for Party Themes

Desperate for themes for their kids’ next major party, parents turn to this year’s hot topic for inspiration. Swine Flu Parties are the new hot shit, and more and more families are hosting town-wide gatherings to help bring their kids together…and eliminate the competition for Homecoming King or Queen.

SFPs, as they’re known on the street, mainly consist of pig roasts and bacon grease fights (think jello wrestling); hot dogs are a must. Children vote for the “Pigs of the Party,” electing the trashiest girls and boys in attendance. One parent even demonstrates safe sex techniques, which she calls doing it “piggy style.”

Says Juanita, “I can’t wait for next week’s party – I’m puttin’ on my tightest hoochie skirt. That crown is mine.”

Lafawndu, another local teen, echoes her sentiments: “Those otha bitches best not be frontin. I gon be the queen pig this year and ain’t nobody gonna fuck wit me.”

Maurice, a fourth grade student, can think of nothing more exciting than his friend’s upcoming party: “I thought that I would not be welcome after I called my friend Jacob’s mom a skeet drinking ho, but apparently there are no hard feelings. I just picked up some new docksiders for the occasion.”

Some are not so fond of the idea of SWPs. Local mom Hailey May says “What kind of moron would hold a Swine Flu Party? What kind of message does that send our children? Everyone knows that Millionaires and Trophy Wives is the proper theme for such an occasion. I am trying to instill some values in my daughter.”

Her neighbor Melissa disagrees: “Millionaires and Trophy Wives? Such trash. I would never let my daughter near anything less than a Billionaire. That middle-class bitch better stay off my property or I’ll be releasing the hounds.”

So whether or not you’re a fan of this theme, I have a feeling that it’s going to be huge all over college campuses this fall. Can anyone say “social theme!?”