Best Website Ever
Jul 31, 2009 internet
http://www.explosionsandboobs.com/
Just click on either picture to see new explosions and new boobs!!!
Tags: boobs, explosions
Roseanne Barr is a Nazi
Jul 31, 2009 photo, pop culture, she could get it
Facts:
- Heeb is a Jewish magazine
- The name comes from the word ‘hebe’ which is an ethnic slur for a Jewish person
- Roseanne is Jewish
- Barr’s grandparents and great-grandparents were immigrants from Ukraine, Russia, Lithuania and Austria-Hungary, and her paternal grandfather changed his surname from “Borisofsky” to “Barr” upon entering the United States
- She requested this outfit (the oven is a nice touch):
Tags: Heeb, Hilter, Nazi, Roseanne, Roseanne Barr
How Do You Like Your Poon?
Jul 31, 2009 uncategorized
While looking for an ad I saw on the T this morning (but that’s another post), I came across a funnily-named asian movie. That lead me to realize that there is an abundance of people in Hollywood with the unfortunate surname, Poon.
So, that leads to me ask the following questions (SFW):
- Are you a Healthy Poon?
- Would you like some Poon Yung Man?
- Can I interest you to Yick Sum Poon?
- Peter Pan? More like Peter Poon.
- Wena Poon. That’s just unfortunate.
- Would you like to Chi Sum Poon?
- No, I would like to Chu On Poon.
- Yeast infection? Sounds like you have a Sik-yee Poon.
- It’s unfortunate to have a Hung Poon.
- Captain Poon, he’s our hero.
But, the best name, by far, goes to Yoda Poon. Viccaro: mmmm tickle your poon I would like to.
Fortunately, this is only Part 1 in the Poon-Tang Trilogy.
I pride myself on my maturity.
America runs on racism
Jul 30, 2009 advertisment
In a shocking move, Dunkin’ Donuts has hired Amos n’ Andy as their new executive advertising team. Living in the inner city, I can see why it may be fiscally tempting to large corporations to target a large minority population. However, this can be done in good taste as we have seen in the early 20’s by several companies:
Still, I was caught off guard when a somewhat conspicuous advertisement caught my eye in the window of a local Dunkin’ Donuts:
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy watermelon and grape (and sometimes red) as much as the next guy, but Dunkin Donuts could have tried to make this pandering a bit less conspicuous. Perhaps Watermelon and Apple, or Grape and Cherry, but no they hit you in the face with a deliciously stereotypical pair. Get Obama on the phone, Mr. Donuts and I need to have a beer summit.
Tags: advertising, Racism
Who Just Got a Semi??
Jul 30, 2009 movie, pop culture, tv, uncategorized
All you need now is some Mikes Hard Mango Punch, a 6-pack of hot dogs, and a rainbow cake, and you’ll be on your way to P-town.
And just when you thought this post couldn’t get any gayer, here’s Perez Hilton.
I know you just got a raging clue.
PS: The twins could get it.
Tags: coochie lips, hot dogs, perez hilton, she could get it
Breaking Up Via Twitter
Dear Friends,
I’m sorry to say it, but our Twitter honeymoon is over. It was fun at first, but to be honest, I just don’t give a shit about what most of you have to say. Especially when you have to say it every 10 minutes.
Got a fabulous new pair of shoes? I hope you don’t trip on them in front of the T. Your dog did something cute? My dog will eat your dog and shit him out in the park. Your AC broke? My room was so cold last night that I had to use blankets. You’re leaving for work, you’re arriving at work, you’ve been at work for an hour, it’s time for your lunch, it’s time to get rid of what you had for lunch, it’s almost time to leave work, you’re leaving work, you’re home from work. Big fucking deal. I get it. You have a job, and you commute to and from that job. Sometimes you eat lunch. Good for you.
But I digress. Occassionally you say something funny, but not often enough to make it worth following you anymore. In fact, your obnoxious updates crowd by Twitter inbox so much that I have to sort through all of your shit to get to the good stuff. And shouldn’t we all be a little more selective about who we let into our box? You know who you are.
The problem is, I really have no tactful way to break up with you. If I unfollow you, you will know it and then you will be pissed at me. For some of you, I could care less (I’m talking to you, Mr. Waterless Urinal). But for my friends, I don’t want to be misunderstood. It’s not you, it’s me. Alright, that was a lie, it is you. But not all of you, just the obnoxious part that thinks everyone cares about your period cycle. First you’re heavy, then you’re light, then you’re bleeding, then all is right. Take a pill and keep the updates to once every four months.
So, I guess my point is that there really is no easy way to break up with someone on Twitter without pissing off a friend.
My analysis: it’s not me that has to change, it’s you. So stop posting pointless shit, and only let us know when you see someone fall in public, or when your roommate is hooking up with a girl who has an STD (and everyone but him knows it), or when you see your friend’s ex girlfriend slutting it up at last call. Then, and only then, can we be “back on.”
Tags: twitter
Cut the Shit, Bank of America
Jul 29, 2009 uncategorized
Bank of America, you must think your customers are retarded.
I felt obliged to share this with all of you:
After my incident with BoA the other day, I got nowhere on the phone with them, so I went into a branch near my office. I still got nowhere there, but the dipshit at the customer service desk said something that really pissed me off.
If you will recall, BoA has a policy that arranges your charges each day from highest to lowest, regardless of when the charges actually occurred. Well, their explanation for that policies is, and I’m not making this up, so that the “more important charges, such as mortgages and car payments, get paid first.” He actually had the audacity to tell me that the bank was “doing me a favor” by having the larger, “more important” charges come through first. Bullshit.
Now lets see how this scenario actually plays out.
You have the following charges: $600 for rent, $30 for groceries, $7 for lunch, and $3 for coffee.
You have a balance in your account of $599.
You had a coffee in the morning, went out for lunch at work, bought groceries on the way home, and paid your rent that night. In a logical world, the charges would hit your account in that order; your balance would appear as thus:
$599, $596, $589, $559, $-41
Then you would get an overdraft charge of $35; fair enough, you made a mistake.
In the BoA world, where trees are made of candy and fairies run amok in the streets of chocolate, your balance actually comes out at thus:
$599, -$1, -$31, -$38, -$41
In this scenario, you get overdraft fees in the amount of $140; and guess what, you never had enough to cover your “most important charge” in the first place. Additional gain to the bank for this fee structure: $105. I hope that morning coffee was good, because it just cost you $108. And you didn’t even get to prance in the chocolate streets on your way to lunch.
I get it, BoA, you’re a business and you need to make revenue. But if you’re going to be sleazy about it, at least have the decency to be honest with your customers. In the words of TK, “don’t piss on me and tell me it’s raining.” Even Gordana, the hot blonde Russian (or some kind of Eastern European) sales associate couldn’t distract me from your shenanigans.
Bank of America: go fist yourself.
TD Bank, here I come.
Major Fail
Jul 28, 2009 uncategorized
Today’s FAIL of the day goes to this special couple: GPS Typo Leads Couple 400 Miles Off Course
“Capri is an island, they did not even wonder why they didn’t cross any bridge or take any boat.”
Today’s FAIL runner-up goes to this woman: Woman Spent Week Stuck Between Toilet, Door
“The woman fell during the early hours of July 19 and somehow became trapped with her feet stuck on either side of the toilet bowl and her body wedged against the inward-opening door.”
Shitty…
Things That Noyes Would Buy
Jul 27, 2009 uncategorized
So, while waiting for an extra hour and a half on the plane in Dallas, I was able to peruse the latest Skymall magazine. Skymall is, of course, Swedish for “shit you will never need.” I came across a plethora of bountiful booty that no one could possibly ever need. So, here is my list of things that Noyes would buy:
6. The Marshmallow Shooter (completely useless, but with a dirty description)
This clever pump-action device shoots sweet, edible miniature…babies?
5. The Remote Controlled 100 Foot Water Cannon
3. High Reach Microfiber Cleaning System (helping midgets reach high things)
2. Branding Iron (let your girlfriend know who she belongs to – I’m sorry, to whom she belongs)
1. The Slanket (I can’t believe no one’s thought of this before!)
