Breaking Up Via Twitter
Posted by: invincible period
Jul 30, 2009 idiots, internet
Dear Friends,
I’m sorry to say it, but our Twitter honeymoon is over. It was fun at first, but to be honest, I just don’t give a shit about what most of you have to say. Especially when you have to say it every 10 minutes.
Got a fabulous new pair of shoes? I hope you don’t trip on them in front of the T. Your dog did something cute? My dog will eat your dog and shit him out in the park. Your AC broke? My room was so cold last night that I had to use blankets. You’re leaving for work, you’re arriving at work, you’ve been at work for an hour, it’s time for your lunch, it’s time to get rid of what you had for lunch, it’s almost time to leave work, you’re leaving work, you’re home from work. Big fucking deal. I get it. You have a job, and you commute to and from that job. Sometimes you eat lunch. Good for you.
But I digress. Occassionally you say something funny, but not often enough to make it worth following you anymore. In fact, your obnoxious updates crowd by Twitter inbox so much that I have to sort through all of your shit to get to the good stuff. And shouldn’t we all be a little more selective about who we let into our box? You know who you are.
The problem is, I really have no tactful way to break up with you. If I unfollow you, you will know it and then you will be pissed at me. For some of you, I could care less (I’m talking to you, Mr. Waterless Urinal). But for my friends, I don’t want to be misunderstood. It’s not you, it’s me. Alright, that was a lie, it is you. But not all of you, just the obnoxious part that thinks everyone cares about your period cycle. First you’re heavy, then you’re light, then you’re bleeding, then all is right. Take a pill and keep the updates to once every four months.
So, I guess my point is that there really is no easy way to break up with someone on Twitter without pissing off a friend.
My analysis: it’s not me that has to change, it’s you. So stop posting pointless shit, and only let us know when you see someone fall in public, or when your roommate is hooking up with a girl who has an STD (and everyone but him knows it), or when you see your friend’s ex girlfriend slutting it up at last call. Then, and only then, can we be “back on.”
0 Like
Tags: twitter
Leave a Reply