Cut the Shit, Bank of America

Bank of America, you must think your customers are retarded.

I felt obliged to share this with all of you:

After my incident with BoA the other day, I got nowhere on the phone with them, so I went into a branch near my office. I still got nowhere there, but the dipshit at the customer service desk said something that really pissed me off.

If you will recall, BoA has a policy that arranges your charges each day from highest to lowest, regardless of when the charges actually occurred. Well, their explanation for that policies is, and I’m not making this up, so that the “more important charges, such as mortgages and car payments, get paid first.” He actually had the audacity to tell me that the bank was “doing me a favor” by having the larger, “more important” charges come through first. Bullshit.

Now lets see how this scenario actually plays out.

You have the following charges: $600 for rent, $30 for groceries, $7 for lunch, and $3 for coffee.

You have a balance in your account of $599.

You had a coffee in the morning, went out for lunch at work, bought groceries on the way home, and paid your rent that night. In a logical world, the charges would hit your account in that order; your balance would appear as thus:

$599, $596, $589, $559, $-41

Then you would get an overdraft charge of $35; fair enough, you made a mistake.

In the BoA world, where trees are made of candy and fairies run amok in the streets of chocolate, your balance actually comes out at thus:

$599, -$1, -$31, -$38, -$41

In this scenario, you get overdraft fees in the amount of $140; and guess what, you never had enough to cover your “most important charge” in the first place. Additional gain to the bank for this fee structure: $105. I hope that morning coffee was good, because it just cost you $108. And you didn’t even get to prance in the chocolate streets on your way to lunch.

I get it, BoA, you’re a business and you need to make revenue. But if you’re going to be sleazy about it, at least have the decency to be honest with your customers. In the words of TK, “don’t piss on me and tell me it’s raining.” Even Gordana, the hot blonde Russian (or some kind of Eastern European) sales associate couldn’t distract me from your shenanigans.

Bank of America: go fist yourself.

TD Bank, here I come.