Move Over Obama, My Fantasy Host Cities for The 2016 Olympic Games
Sep 30, 2009 sports
Back in 2008, a final four list of potential host cities for the 2016 Olympic games were announced by the International Olympic Committee. The cities that have since been competing for this honor are Chicago, Tokyo, Rio de Janeiro and Madrid. President Obama has even gotten in on this gangsta showdown, making a push to bring the games to his very own, friendly Chi-town. My question is, why were these posh locations chosen in the first place? True Olympic athletes should be able to compete in the worst conditions, risking all that is holy. My suggestion, the International Olympic Committee man the fuck up, and forces athelete participants to compete not only for the gold, but for their life. Forget the Olympic Committee (pussies), here are the cities that made MY cut for potential 2016 Olympic game host cities:
Location: Chernobyl, Ukraine
Pros: In 1986 all (living) residents were forced to evacuate, and it has stayed almost completely abandoned since then, leaving all of Chernobyl in vintage 80’s fashion, RAD! With only 500 residents left, there will be no problem with over crowding during the games’ tourist boom.
Cons: The evacuation was due to a nuclear reactor exploding back in 86, and… dangerous levels of radiation still exist. Sounds like a myth to me.
Location: Mogadishu, Somalia
Pros: With no government, free trade is booming! With no taxes, Olympic branded merchandise will be flying off the shelves of Mogadishu faster than kevlar!
Cons: All central government collapsed in 1991, and rival groups have been been having all sorts of fun since then, battling for 17 years! And with no police, residents have had no reason to stop murdering, stealing and raping. We’ll see how fast our track stars truly are, running from armed militias along the beautiful Indian ocean coast.
Location: Linfen, China
Pros: Linfen was once known as “The modern fruit and flower town!”
Cons: Linfen is no longer modern or flowery, as it is currently the most polluted city on Earth. Best of all, the pollution is almost completely due to coal mining which has put a cloud of soot over the entire city, leaving it in the dark 24/7. But who needs lights when you have curling?
powerpoint commercial
Sep 30, 2009 advertisment, movie, photo, she could get it, tv, video
Please tell me everyone else is thinking it…
No, not that this would be the perfect girl for Invincible Period [asian, love of kittens in hats, under the age of 10]
We all know this girl has nothing on the PowerPoint skills of this guy:
Tags: asian, invincible period, jerry maguire, kittens, kylie, powerpoint, ray, windows 7
In the Mail Today
Sep 30, 2009 government, idiots
Today I got ten (yes, 10) Violation Notices from the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority, FAST LANE Violation Processing Center. Each one contained a report of a violation, along with a form to pay the violation and a form to appeal (a total of 3 sheets of paper). Explained on each violation is how Fast Lane wants to fine me $50 for using their tolls. This comes to a nice sum of $500 in violations.
I am of course going to fight these charges, and the appeal form makes it easy. The form includes a section labeled: “IF, ON THE DATE OF THE VIOLATION, YOU WERE A FAST LANE ACCOUNT HOLDER” which by giving them your account number and transponder number can allow for the $50 fee to be waived. The catch is, along with this comes a $5 violation administration fee. So by this logic they want me to pay $50 after being sent 10 letters (30 pages) and forcing me to complete 10 forms to show that I have a Fast Lane account (which I’ve had for about 4 years).
If the appeals come back and they want to charge me with 10 administration fees I am going to have to waste more time and appeal again. I guess this what you can expect with state run systems, I sure hope Obama keeps trying to make everything run this way.
Tags: fast lane, mail, obama, taxachusetts, violation
Shopping For The Holidays
Sep 30, 2009 uncategorized
If you have a girl in your life, you probably don’t have any of these (balls are not on that list, but we know she has those in a jar on her nightstand). If you don’t have a girl in your life, one of these is probably the reason. If you’re awesome, you have sluts in your life, and you still have everything on the first list, and these hos are usually too drunk to notice everything on the second list. Either way, the holiday season is coming up (unless you’re Jewish because you guys have holidays whenever you feel like it) and I have some recommendations to help you get through that whole awkward shopping thing.
If you have a special lady in your life, odds are she’s one of those girls who likes the finer things in life: scented candles in every room, lace on the curtains, “tasteful” magazines in the bathroom, pearls in her vibrator, and specialty condiments (because Hunt’s is for cunts). If so, then Beaverton’s Beaver Mustard is right up her alley. Imagine the look on her face when she gets to share her Beaver Mustard with all her friends! There are even more than 30 flavors to suit your needs: Cranberry Mustard for that time of the month, American Picnic Mustard for when you want to spread it outside, Whipped Beaver for when you’re feel a little whipped by her beaver, and Seafood.
If you’re going to spending this holiday 
season alone, it’s probably time to make some changes in your life. First thing’s first: get more smart. There’s a map in Wellington…a map where America’s Wang has balls (not sure what kind of balls those are, but hopefully they are not reflective of the artist). Also on this map is an incredible town named Medicine Hat. Of course, a town like Medicine Hat has a college: Medicine Hat College. So, why should you choose Medicine Hat College to turn your life around? Well, their Future Students page just about says it all:
If you’re one of those guys looking for a slut, then the invisible homeless man should be at the top of your list. Just set this guy up outside the bar or in front of your apartment and it’s a sure-fire way to seal the deal. “Oh no! Is that an invisible homeless man?!?” she’ll say is slurred words. “Why yes it is. You better come home with me – invisible homeless men can’t come inside my apartment.”
If you’re in a sorta relationship with a girl who would otherwise be a slut except for the fact that she’s a repeat offender (and still agrees to stay over even after your roommates interrupt in various stages of undress or singlets), then this is the gift for her. Trust me, there’s a good chance you’re having one of those “hotdog in a hallway” situations, so giving her the world’s biggest cat might just make her feel better about herself.
And don’t forget, my birthday is coming up…so while you’re out shopping, I’m registered here.
Assalaamu ‘alaykum, The Iron Sheik Is On Twitter
Sep 30, 2009 celebrities, freaks, idiots, internet, movie, old people, pop culture, sex, she could get it, sports, tv, video
Yes, the Iron Sheik of Howard Stern fame is on twitter and has recently been named by Maxim as one of the “Top 100 Twitter Accounts Every Guy Should Follow.” Sadly CorporateThuggin’ was not featured on the list, but the man with the 10 inch cock came in at #7. Here is a list of my top 5 twitter posts by the Sheik himself.
5. A question for Andy Milonakis
4. Sheik respects actor Kevin Pollak, (Yanni Gogolak from The Whole Nine Yards) who the hell is Kevin Pollak?
3.Sheik needs to tell Roman Polanski something
2. Jenna Jameson could get it from the Sheik
1. Mario Lopez did something fucking stupid
Tags: andy milonakis, cock, howard stern, iron sheik, jenna jameson, kevin pollak, mario lopez, maxim, roman polanski, she could get it, twitter
It’s Funny Cause They’re Asian
Sep 30, 2009 celebrities, crime, movie, pop culture, video
Here’s a trailer for a Korean movie called Death Bell. The basic premise is that these kids are taking a test and every time they get an answer a question wrong, someone dies. It’s just hard for me to believe that this many people are dying with a class full of Asian kids. Instead of killing them, they should just bukkake them. Next porn I want to see made, Bukkake Bell.
SGA vs Corporate Thuggin
Sep 29, 2009 college, government
Currently the student government organization of Northeastern is polling the internet for great ideas to spear head at the university. While my ideas may end at no-panties Wednesdays in the dining halls, some intelligent patrons are demanding NU recognize CT.com officially. Please follow this link and vote for us.
Tags: Northeastern
Email I could do without
Sep 29, 2009 idiots, photo, she could get it, sports, tv, video
Thanks but no thanks ESPN2
The WNBA has also ruined NBATV for me. No one wants to see classic WNBA games, go back to showing the ‘92 Dream Team during the NBA off season. If your sport was any good your youtube video from the last All Star Game would have more than 1700 views:
Best Movie Idea Since Donkey Punch
Sep 28, 2009 celebrities, freaks, movie
Not since the debut of Donkey Punch have I been this interested in the concept behind a film. The movie I am speaking of is Human Centipede, yeah the name sounds like some kind of game that was played in elementary school gym class, but prepare to be sickened unless you are the CT writer known as White Collar Crime who probably thinks this is pretty tame in comparison to some of the porn that he has discovered. Basically, the plot of the movie is that a doctor surgically connects people’s mouths to other people anuses and the result resembles a centipede (see photo at left). Here’s the plot synopsis and trailer. I’m hoping for sequels such as “Human Centipede vs. Pesticides”
“Siamese twin surgeon Dr. Josef Heiter has a demented vision for mankinds future existence. He wants to remove human beings kneecaps so they have to exist on all fours and then surgically graft them mouth-to-anus to form a centipede chain. When two stranded female Americans arrive at his hospital looking for help, kidnapping a 3rd Japanese male tourist he begins the tissue matches, teeth removal and buttock moulding to create his triplet creature.”
Tags: donkey punch, film, human centipede, movie
