Move Over Obama, My Fantasy Host Cities for The 2016 Olympic Games

Back in 2008, a final four list of potential host cities for the 2016 Olympic games were announced by the International Olympic Committee. The cities that have since been competing for this honor are Chicago, Tokyo, Rio de Janeiro and Madrid. President Obama has even gotten in on this gangsta showdown, making a push to bring the games to his very own, friendly Chi-town. My question is, why were these posh locations chosen in the first place?  True Olympic athletes should be able to compete in the worst conditions, risking all that is holy. My suggestion, the International Olympic Committee man the fuck up, and forces athelete participants to compete not only for the gold, but for their life.  Forget the Olympic Committee (pussies), here are the cities that made MY cut for potential 2016 Olympic game host cities:

Location: Chernobyl, Ukraine

Pros: In 1986 all (living) residents were forced to evacuate, and it has stayed almost completely abandoned since then, leaving all of Chernobyl in vintage 80’s fashion, RAD! With only 500 residents left, there will be no problem with over crowding during the games’ tourist boom.

Cons: The evacuation was due to a nuclear reactor exploding back in 86, and… dangerous levels of radiation still exist. Sounds like a myth to me.

Location: Mogadishu, Somalia

Pros: With no government, free trade is booming! With no taxes, Olympic branded merchandise will be flying off the shelves of Mogadishu faster than kevlar!

Cons: All central government collapsed in 1991, and rival groups have been been having all sorts of fun since then, battling for 17 years! And with no police, residents have had no reason to stop murdering, stealing and raping. We’ll see how fast our track stars truly are, running from armed militias along the beautiful Indian ocean coast.

Location: Linfen, China

Pros: Linfen was once known as “The modern fruit and flower town!”

Cons: Linfen is no longer modern or flowery, as it is currently the most polluted city on Earth. Best of all, the pollution is almost completely due to coal mining which has put a cloud of soot over the entire city, leaving it in the dark 24/7. But who needs lights when you have curling?