Thugs infiltrate homecoming propaganda

Upon checking the mail today I came across an innocent enough looking pamphlet advertising my alma mater’s homecoming festivities.  These advertisements are ultimately attempting to get get alumni pumped up enough to donate money.  From the get-go, NU fails to get me excited enough to participate in these events, never mind donate.  Check out the cover… nothing gets my dick softer than inter-racial cheer squads, old people, football players clearly not on steroids, and buildings I had to report to at 8am every Friday morning.  By the way, what’s up with the homecoming logo?  Does the tail on the end of the “g” remind anyone else of a fox, not a husky?

As I turn to the first page, more bullshit:  Pumpkins, unnecessary mission statement, unecessary registration information (you mailed me this letter right, so why the fuck do you need my name and address?), a male cheerleader… whoa, wait… clearly shit-faced thugs rubbing elbows with the president of the University.  Thats right, some corporate thugs actually make this pamphlet worth while.

I need to get the full story, but I imagine it going something like this:  The corporate thugs in question were somewhere mid-black out when they infiltrated an alumni networking event, un-invited of course as they were not alumni at this point.  Forever 21 who seems to be the most inebriated (and wearing a beret) most likely spotted the president and initiated a rambling conversation about nothing while spewing the smell of Natty Light and whiskey into Aoun’s face.  Somehow I Brought The Table and an associate stumbled into this unholy collaboration as well and BANG a picture was taken.  Obviously the editors of this pamphlet were overwhelmed by the combination of power and sexiness projected in the image and had no choice but to publish it.