You Probably Should Have Aborted When…

Found an article today titled “Girl, 11, gives birth to ‘new toy’ on wedding day.”

You know you’re life is fucked from the start when your mother:

• “fell pregnant within just two weeks of her 11th birthday“
• “was still wearing her wedding dress and tiara when she arrived at hospital” – really? a fucking tiara?
• met your father “in the playground of her gypsy school” – yes, she was matriculating at gypsy school
• says “I am not going back to school – I am a mother now” – this is sure to end well, then again I don’t think that whole gypsy school thing was going anywhere
• says “I haven’t had sex education classes and I didn’t know how to get pregnant. I’d never had a boyfriend and I’d never heard of condoms” – yeah, I’m sure he told you the same thing
• says “I didn’t know I was pregnant until my grandmother saw I had put on weight. I just thought I’d eaten too many burgers” – future Mensa member?
• says “I’m not going to play with toys any more – I have a new toy now” – yes, your mother thinks you’re a toy. I hope she leaves you in the closet with her Easy Bake Oven.

Knowing that your mother dropped out of gypsy school when she was 11 because she fired you out of her womb on her wedding day? That’s just something you never live down.