Corporate Thuggin'

Archive for December, 2009

Weather Channel Ad

Dec 31, 2009 advertisment, caption contest, government, internet, photo

This ad came up for my hour-by-hour forecast:

Tags: Insurance Regulation, jesus, LowerMyBills.com, obama

For Lil Biznas Plans

Dec 30, 2009 uncategorized

Some phrases to add to your repertoire:

Vulcanize the whoopee stick
In the ham wallet

Cattle prod the oyster ditch
With the lap rocket

Batter dip the cranny ax
In the gut locker

Retrofit the pudding hatch
Ooh la la
With the boink swatter

If i get you in the loop when I make a point to be straight with you then
In lieu of the innuendo in the end know my intent though
I brazillian wax poetic so hypothetically
I don’t wanna beat around the bush

Foxtrot Unifrom Charlie Kilo
Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

Marinate the nether rod
In the squish mitten

Power drill the yippee bog
With the dude piston

Pressure wash the quiver bone
In the bitch wrinkle

Cannonball the fiddle cove
Ooh la la
With the pork steeple

If i get you in the loop when I make a point to be straight with you then
In lieu of the innuendo in the end know my intent though
I brazillian wax poetic so hypothetically
I don’t wanna beat around the bush

Foxtrot Unifrom Charlie Kilo
Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

Put the you know what in the you know where
Put the you know what in the you know where
Put the you know what in the you know where
Put the you know what in the you know where pronto

Best News Ever: Taylor Swift Is Single Again

Dec 30, 2009 uncategorized

Taylor Swift is a single lady (and not the kind with the fat ass like in those Beyonce videos)!

Forever 21’s Best Posts Of The Year

Dec 29, 2009 advertisment, celebrities, college, freaks, idiots, internet, movie, music, news, pop culture, radio, sex, she could get it, tv, video

I haven’t gotten to post in a little bit because I’ve been fucking the shit out of corporate life and making it feel like more of a bitch the Adam James, but I decided that I’d put together a list of my favorite posts from each member of the CT crew.

briefcase and brass knuckles -Next Thursday, Who Wants In? – Following a full-on comment assault of a college newpaper article (which included the definition of a rainbow kiss), this kid was able to pull it together for all the non-losers who don’t read pussy college newspapers and instead turn the CT for their news.

cracker with cheese – Jennifer Aniston – when he wasn’t busy stalking Miley’s little sister, he provided one of the best one-liners ever written on the internet.

Forever 21 – Proof of Undergraduate Thuggin’ – It’s no mystery that I still live like I was in college, but when I got this e-mail from our landlord following graduation, I had proof that I did it right as an undergrad. Also, this landlord dabbles in adjectives like Michael Lohan dabbles in cunt-punching, true innovators.

I brought the table – Somebody Beat Us To Starting a Non-Profit – His latest effort gave us a look into the athletic exploits of some twat from Jersey Shore, but it wasn’t Snooki so I didn’t give a shit. His very first post though was definitely his best work.

invincible period – Things to Jack Off To Series – Yes he is a fag who likes cats, but he did provide us with a series of posts that has us on the first page of google when you search “things to jack off to,” yeah buddy rollin’ like a big shot.

Lil’ Biznas Planz – We Be… Corporate Thuggin! – Although his “Fucking With Terrorists” was as innovative as it gets, I can’t overlook that he gave our site it’s own theme song. A theme song that included lyrics such as these …

We’ll try and fuck your girl, no maybe
we slamming other bitches boxes, daily
yo weekly, monthly and yearly
until you dumb motherfuckers see clearly
that we’re down with the U S of A
All other countries are GAY

white-collar crime – Too Soon? , Exclusive Michael Jackson Autopsy Photo – He came on strong with two MJ related posts within hours of the King’s death, this provided readers early on with a glimpse of the essence behind white-collar crime. He will shit on your grave and make people laugh about it.

Get ready for 2010, the year Corporate Thuggin’ gets your girlfriend pregnant.

Tags: adam james, cats, college, corporate thugs, football, Jennifer Aniston, jersey shore, michael jackson, mike leach, miley, miley cyrus, noah cyrus, sammy sweatheart, sports, terrorists, texas tech, things to jack off to, vikki blows

Sammy Sweetheart

Dec 28, 2009 uncategorized

Apparently, Sammy Sweetheart is quite the soccer player. Hard to believe “If you’re not a guido get the fuck outta my face” came from this innocent looking lady. Thats Jersey for you.

sammy

#2 Sam Giancola

Year: Senior
Position: Midfield
Height: 5-6
Hometown: Hazlet, N.J.
High School: Raritan

Career: Started in 55 of 70 career matches as a Pioneer, collecting two goals and two assists.

2009: Had career-best numbers with two goals and an assist, starting in 14 of 17 matches … Found the back of the net at Rutgers-Camden (9/19/09) and NYU (10/7/09) … Contributed the assist on the lone goal of a 1-1 draw at Kean (10/3/09).

2008: Started all 18 matches as a junior, registering seven shots.

2007: Started eight of 17 matches as a sophomore, collecting her first career point with an assist in the opening 4-0 victory against Manhattanville (9/1/07).

2006: Attended WP, but did not compete during the 2006-07 academic year.

2005: Started 15 of 18 matches as a freshman.

Prior to William Paterson: Was a four-year varsity letterwinner at Raritan H.S. and was named the team’s Most Improved Player.

Academics: Majoring in sociology.

I would list her stats, but have no idea what soccers statistics mean.

http://wpupioneers.com/roster.aspx?rp_id=950&path=wsoc

Also, this is her coach. Dude is pretty rad.

coach

Gettin’ pumped for 2010 – Part 3

Dec 27, 2009 uncategorized

What really gets me pumped about the new year is all those resolutions I get to make:

In 2010, I won’t blame it on the alcohol (because all cats feel the same in the dark)
In 2010, I will only throw up in the designated areas: my bed, your car, her closet, our house east
In 2010, I won’t let anorexia stop me from enjoying a good meal (refer to Resolution #2)
In 2010, I will spend more time with the homeless (instead of running away from that guy jackin’ off on the park bench, I will walk by casually)
In 2010, I will give back to the community (not that Obama really gives me a choice anyways)
In 2010, I will have my roommates spayed or neutered (just like Bob Barker always wanted)
In 2010, I will stop taking prescription drugs before bed and start taking them during the day when I can enjoy them (because there are children in Africa who could probably use those…)
In 2010, I will walk to keep kids safe (because someone’s gotta do it)
In 2010, I will legally be able to pick up ‘92 babies in the state of Massachusetts (1992 babies, not 92 babies)
In 2010, I will only gamble when there are fun horses involved
In 2010, I will Rethink Church (”What if church wasn’t just a building?” Because God is also on Twitter and Facebook and Youtube)
In 2010, I will support healthcare reform by giving girls Plan B One-Step (”the only emergency contraceptive that is just one pill”)
In 2010, I will only make abortion jokes when the mood needs to be lightened (like in the lobby of Planned Parenthood)
In 2010, I will spend more time studying for my STD tests so I can go from Hepatitis C to Hepatitis A
In 2010, I will be more compassionate towards the Asians (because I sometimes forget that it really is difficult to walk and drive with only half your eyes)
In 2010, I will learn that there is nothing funny about menstruation, period.
In 2010, I will stimulate the economy by charging less for sex
In 2010, I will finally prove that Lady Gaga really does have a penis
In 2010, I will invent great things like breast warmers that you can plug into your computer
In 2010, I will remember to wear my underwear when I go out, mostly:

The Karate Kid

Dec 23, 2009 celebrities, idiots, injuries, movie, pop culture, video

Given Jackie Chan’s movie history, it is hard to tell if 2010 will be his career resurrection or kamikaze mission. Not only will he be starting in The Spy Next Door (aka The Pacifier 2), but also the up and coming original idea of, The Karate Kid.