Corporate Thuggin'

Archive for January, 2010

Oh my crazy Asian

Jan 28, 2010 uncategorized

Here at CT, there is alot of love for the Asians…..but I think we would all be overwhelmed by the new Korean group “Girls Generation”. I’m really not sure if these are the same song, but if you are listening, you’re a homo anyway.

State of the Union Address Recap

Jan 28, 2010 uncategorized

So, if you’re anything like me, then you probably wanted to smash your head on the wall 5 minutes into Obama’s State of the Union Address tonight. In fact, I’m pretty sure I could have seen better acting in the Married with Children marathon I was oh so tempted to watch…

But, I didn’t want to be that idiot in the office who has nothing to say about the historic speech, and neither should you. That’s why I put together this recap summarizing the most important points of his speech:

Apple Introduces The IPad And Gets Into The Periods Business

Jan 27, 2010 advertisment, internet, pop culture

Today Apple introduced their latest invention and there was much speculation about what it would be called. I’m not going to get into what it is exactly because I tried to read about it and could only hear that nerd from the Simpson’s yelling in my ear. Anyway, they tried to play off of their success of the name IPod by calling the new product the IPad. I first noticed that this similarity would cause havoc on people with a New York accent, but then thought, fuck them those Jersey Shore kids just improved their standing a ton and they needed knocked back down. Then, upon hearing the name repeatedly, IPad kept leading me to thinking about female hygeine products. So they took the next logical step from those gay ass commercials, they went straight to periods.

I decided that I’d be the first to start their new ad campaign. (Notice I chose red)

Tags: apple, ipad, ipod, periods

Kermit the Frog Voted for Scott Brown

Jan 26, 2010 uncategorized

Sprite Wants That Ginger, Scalabrine, In The Dunk Contest

Jan 26, 2010 advertisment, celebrities, internet, pop culture, sports, tv, video

If you’re an NBA fan then you’re kind of pissed off that were not going to see the Lebron-Dwight matchup in this years dunk contest, it’s kind of like a girl telling you she’ll allow rear access and later she only shells out an HJ. In light in this, Sprite decided that they’d try and make the dunk contest seem cool even with this lack of star power. I’m assuming they thought those lame ass rap commercials about dunking would pump us up. They were wrong, watching these (video 1, video 2) actually gave me some pain in my right testicle. However, one group of men decided to take this premise and put it on it’s knees. They were the men of fatawesome and their dunk contest candidate is Brian Scalabrine.

Tags: basketball, brian scalabrine, dunk contest, dwight howard, fatawesome, lebron james, nba, sprite

GINGERS DO HAVE SOULS!

Jan 26, 2010 idiots, video

I guess he got some shit for the first one so he made a second…

Tags: stupid people, youtube

How to properly clean a vagina

Jan 25, 2010 uncategorized

If someone told me that on an instructional website that includes “How to carve a pumpkin” and “How to knit fingerless gloves”, there would be a video of Fatman Scoop and T-Pain explaining how to properly clean out a vagina, I’d tell you that there is no God.

Video Here

How To Properly Clean a Vagina on Howcast

Fatman Scoop quotes

“You titties is all over the place”
“All johnson in front of my face”
“We talkin about titties, and pussies, and asses.”
“First of all, nobody needs to look inside your pussy”

T-Pain quotes
“First of all, she got the poop shoot. Thats one of those pussies you can’t get rid of the stench. She got the poop shoot, she got one real close to her asshole”
“Don’t look inside the pussy, that some trauma in the ER shit”

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!?

The Pregnancy Pact

Jan 25, 2010 uncategorized

Some people wonder what it really takes to become a member of Corporate Thuggin. Well it involves a sacred pact. A pregnancy pact.

As the fat broad in this made-for-TV-movie finds out, girls across the country are getting pregnant at an epidemic rate. Why? Well there’s no reason to watch this terrible movie to find out: we have super sperm.

Don’t believe us? Well, like the feminazis that made this movie say, not all teen pregnancies are unplanned (neither are all teen abortions):

Motivational Posters – Pt 1

Jan 25, 2010 caption contest, photo

I got some pretty hilarious motivational posters in an email today that I’ve never seen before — here is part 1 in a multipart series.
(Also, if you want to make your own, this site is pretty decent.)

Tags: awesome, comedy, photo

White Done Right

Jan 25, 2010 celebrities, college, internet, news, photo, sports, tv

For those of you who may have missed it last week, a new professional basketball league has been proposed that would be labeled as “It’s all white, U.S. citizens [who were born] white.” Don ‘Moose’ Lewis, an Atlanta boxing and wrestling promoter said this All-American Basketball Alliance will start in several southern cities in June. Lewis makes the point that this is not racist, with his comment: “How are the Soul Train awards not racist? It’s not racist it’s just a niche, its entertainment.”

Personally, I think the way Lewis is going at it (middle, white America), will just turn into a league filled with white guys who think they can play, like this:

If you are going to start this league you have to do it right and this is how:

1. White guys in the U.S. are not at the level to were they can fill a league yet, we need to mix in an International conference.

2. Don’t limit locations to just the South, by using current NBA markets you can tap into their niche fans.

3. Because no one will think these teams can be any good you need to have them end a season with a playoff to find a league champion, with the winner playing two exhibition games. The first being against black guys who act white (team Urkels) and finally black guys who put fear in the eye of white people (team Black Power).

With these three rules you can organize the league, draft current NBA players, and create the following teams:

CONFERENCE AMERICA:

Boston White Hopes – guys who you want to succeed purely because they are white

Jose Jaun Barea – G
Chase Budinger – G
Brian Scalabrine – F
Kevin Love – F
David Lee – C
Brook Lopez – C

Indiana Minkus – guys who look like nerds that you could beat in your men’s league

Luke Ridnour – G
Coby Karl – G
Brian Cardinal – F
Steve Novak – F
Joel Przybilla –C
Jeff Foster – C

Phoenix Kappa Tappa Kega – guys who you would consider your best frat bro

Kirk Hinrich – G
Kyle Korver – G
Jason Kapono – F
Wally Szczerbiak – F
Troy Murphy – F
Luke Walton – F

Charlotte Neverlands – guys who wish they were still getting after it in the freshmen dorms

Travis Diener – G
J.J. Redick – G
Adam Morrison – F
Mike Dunleavy – F
Tyler Hansbrough – F
Steve Blake – G

Orlando Slim Shadys – guys who live outside their skin color

Mike Bibby – G
Jason Williams – G
Robert Swift – F
Chris Anderson – F
Brad Miller – C
Scot Pollard – C

Milwaukee Beast Ice – guys who might have been born through the breeding of cousins

Mike Miller – G
Chris Quinn – G
B.J. Mullens – F
Nick Collison – F
Chris Kaman – C
Joe Alexander – F

CONFERENCE WORLD:

Dallas Dragos – guys who would have played international villains in ’80s movies

Steve Nash – G
Marco Belinelli – G (included solely because he looks like Rocky Balboa)
Andrei Kirilenko – F
Dirk Nowitzki – F
Andris Biedrins – C
Jonas Jerebko – F

Portland Sabonis – guys who exude the legendary essence that is Arvydas Sabonis