Playboy’s 3-D Centerfold, A Dissertation

Today, the USPS brought me a very special present. Actually, it was Lil’ Biznas Planz who got it from the box (giggity) and brought it to my room. Playboy released the first-ever 3-D centerfold, and not since The Pop-up Book of Sex has a pair of titties jumped so far off the page.

So here’s the deal: there are two centerfolds in the June issue. The June Playmate-of-the-Month is not in 3-D, but she’s a 34D, and that’s just fine with me. I looked at her for a good 5 minutes with my 3-D glasses on, glancing from her rack to her snatch and then back to rack, before I realized that she was not popping off the page; regardless, it was time well spent. She also happens to have a bowl of Froot Loops between her legs, so she gets an extra 5 points in my book (she would have gotten 10 for Cap’n Crunch).

The Playmate of the Year is the second centerfold in the magazine and after coming across her foldout I realized that she was obviously the one in 3-D; thus, I felt like a dumbass. You get a little set of those red and blue 3-D glasses and some ear hinges so they can stay on hands-free. Just slap those bad boys on and the PotY pops out in all her glory. There’s some other pretty cool stuff in there too, but I finished before I could get to it. Actually, just a few pages back is an ad for Liberator Bedroom Adventure Gear – it’s not exactly rock climbing, but they have just as many harnesses.

So there you have it. The most comprehensive analysis of the first-ever 3-D centerfold ever typed with one hand.