Stuff I Wish I Invented: The Manwich
Mar 9, 2010 advertisment, pop culture
As I delve deeper into this segment, you are will surely hear about some other food items that I wish I invented, but number one on this list will forever be The Manwich. Let’s start with the food itself, it consists of ground meat (caviar for non-queers) and some sort of sauce that makes saying “fuck you” to napkins, inevitable. You have to put it one bread so that you can totally neglect the thought eating utensils and any sort of order to the insanity. Now, the contents are as incredible as Blue Mountain State, but the name is what truly sets it apart. Even when comparing the title to some other good sandwich names like the BLT, the Reuben, or the Club, it’s like comparing Bruce Springsteen to Clay Aiken. If sandwiches could talk, the Manwich would ask where the closest full-contact strip club is, while all other sandwiches would ask if they could lick you asshole. A Sandwich is a Sandwich, A Manwich is the Fucking Truth.
Tags: Blue Mountain State, bruce springsteen, clay aiken, food, manwich, strip club, stuff i wish i invented
One Day
Feb 18, 2010 advertisment, idiots, music, pop culture, sports, tv, video
What could be better than having a Hasidic Jew get you pumped up for the Winter Olympics:
Why not remix the song with rapper Akon:
This is kind of like having Busta Rhymes included on a remake of We Are the World 25; that’s right:
Tags: akon, busta rhymes, hasidic jew, matisyahu, we are the world 25, winter olympics
Super Bowl Commercials
Feb 8, 2010 advertisment, caption contest, celebrities, crime, government, idiots, internet, news, pittsburgh, politics, pop culture, sports, tv, video
Trying to come up with a title for this post was hard, seeing that every internet media blog has taken some variation of “Monday Morning Fill-in-a-term” even though they have no idea what sport reference this is making. ANYWAYS, as a whole I was upset with how unfunny the commercials happened to be this year. And if I see one more Denny’s commercial I will kill someone. You can find all the commercials on YouTube, but to save you time, this is all you need to know:
Best unintentional-intentional comedy that has no business trying to be funny:
Best showing of why Americans think Pittsburgh sucks:
Only commercial that got me to LOL, thanks Lamar:
Commercial that would have been funny if it wasn’t leaked before it aired [FYI - all the Doritos commercials sucked, and when someone at work reminded me that they were submitted to the company by ordinary people it makes me wonder why a they would waste $2.5 million on a spot]:
Most original idea that came from last year’s #1 summer comedy movie:
Best use of taking a popular TV show concept from a non-CBS station:
Worst use of tax money:
Bud Light was the, per usual, best brander this year, they also had the best rap artist joke from 2008:
Finally, the commercial you should watch about 100 times comes from Audi. It gets my M. Night Shyamalan award. To start, I thought it was a take on what America would be about if Al Gore was Prez. Also, for the first 40 seconds it will have you thinking it is a joke on white-collar crime, not to be confused with White-Collar Crime. During this time you may also think it is a joke about white people actually being capable of committing crime. Finally you will see it is about being a hippie:
… I also like this commercial because I play a small part in the financing of it
Tags: Al Gore, Audi, bud light, Census, Commerical, Dennys, doritos, Focus on the Family, hippie, Lamar Odom, Lost, m. night shyamalan, pittsburgh, Super Bowl, T-Pain, The Hangover, Tim Tebow, youtube
Gifts for Invincible Period
Feb 6, 2010 advertisment, caption contest, stuff people like, tv, video
Valentine’s Day is coming up and if your crush is on CT member Invincible Period, this will make a great gift idea:
funny cat sound effects not included
Apple Introduces The IPad And Gets Into The Periods Business
Jan 27, 2010 advertisment, internet, pop culture
Today Apple introduced their latest invention and there was much speculation about what it would be called. I’m not going to get into what it is exactly because I tried to read about it and could only hear that nerd from the Simpson’s yelling in my ear. Anyway, they tried to play off of their success of the name IPod by calling the new product the IPad. I first noticed that this similarity would cause havoc on people with a New York accent, but then thought, fuck them those Jersey Shore kids just improved their standing a ton and they needed knocked back down. Then, upon hearing the name repeatedly, IPad kept leading me to thinking about female hygeine products. So they took the next logical step from those gay ass commercials, they went straight to periods.
I decided that I’d be the first to start their new ad campaign. (Notice I chose red)
Sprite Wants That Ginger, Scalabrine, In The Dunk Contest
Jan 26, 2010 advertisment, celebrities, internet, pop culture, sports, tv, video
If you’re an NBA fan then you’re kind of pissed off that were not going to see the Lebron-Dwight matchup in this years dunk contest, it’s kind of like a girl telling you she’ll allow rear access and later she only shells out an HJ. In light in this, Sprite decided that they’d try and make the dunk contest seem cool even with this lack of star power. I’m assuming they thought those lame ass rap commercials about dunking would pump us up. They were wrong, watching these (video 1, video 2) actually gave me some pain in my right testicle. However, one group of men decided to take this premise and put it on it’s knees. They were the men of fatawesome and their dunk contest candidate is Brian Scalabrine.
Tags: basketball, brian scalabrine, dunk contest, dwight howard, fatawesome, lebron james, nba, sprite
twloha
Jan 23, 2010 advertisment, caption contest, celebrities, idiots, internet, photo, pop culture, video
Odd video featuring Miley Cyrus and Joaquin Phoenix (and later Liv Tyler) trying to raise money so people can write stuff on their own arms. Makes perfect sense to me, as well as a need to vote in order to raise the money. It is nice to see Miley explain a computer to Joaquin, who seems afraid of human interaction talking to the guy in the beginning of the video. Also, I can’t wait until Miley starts using stimulant drugs so she can have a little pep in her step and talk faster. At one point in the video is also seems that Joaquin is looking for Miley to give him a lap dance. Liv Tyler joins the mix, as Joaquin tries to explain his internet lessons to her. Liv finds the internet amazing, amazing.
The last time I remember seeing Joaquin he looked like this:
Tags: Joaquin Pheonix, Liv Tyler, miley cyrus
Corporate Alcoholics
Jan 22, 2010 advertisment, college, internet, movie, pop culture, tv, video
I came across this movie on IMDB because I was looking up Nick Kroll.
This trailer actually shows 16.6repeated% of the movie Successful Alcoholics (25 minutes long if you are slow):
Nick Kroll (from The League) is a funny motherfucker (ps – drunk packing is the only way forever 21 knows how to do it):
Tags: college humor, drunk packing, forever 21, IMDB, Nick Kroll, Successful Alcoholics, The League
Private Abortion Practice
Jan 20, 2010 advertisment, caption contest, dumb girls, idiots, injuries, sex, she could get it, tv, video
I have never seen this show, but this preview makes it look interesting (very slow at first, amazing acting at the end):
At the same time, it comes across as having the exact opposite premise of every Maury episode I have watched.
The more hilarious clip is here, but I was not able to embed it
Tags: abortion, black doctors, Maury, Private Practice
A Weight Loss Tool That Also Helps Girl’s Learn About Handjobs
Jan 20, 2010 advertisment, tv
I guess this has been out for a while, I probably hadn’t seen it yet because I don’t watch Lifetime or the show GLEE. I just want to know how this inventor came up with this idea, doesn’t she know that we’ll blow one on her face way quicker if she uses her mouth.
In other news, a similar work out tool is being created for men called the “FlickWeight.” Basically you practice flicking a bean. The original product was called the “FingerFuckWeight,” but that shit got real.
Tags: commercial, commercials, fingering, hand jobs, shake weight, women
