Corporate Thuggin'

Raaaaaaaandy Mixtape

Mar 8, 2010 audio, celebrities, injuries, internet, music, pop culture, video

If you haven’t heard, Randy is making a mixtape:

Only one song has been leaked so far, but it is more of a long bitchy rant:

The mixtape is also being slowed down by whoever Justin Bieber is:

Tags: aziz ansari, justin bieber, raaaaaaaandy

Entrance Songs For Tiger Woods’ Press Conference

Feb 18, 2010 audio, celebrities, news, pop culture, sex, sports, tv, video

I thought I’d give Tiger a few options for his walk up to the podium for tomorrow’s press conference. The Tiger songs are pretty lame to tell you the truth, but my suggestion for Elin transcends adultery.

Lil Wayne should have just called this one Tiger’s Autobiography

Anything from Three Six Mafia would def instill Tiger’s vibe

Do you think is possible that Tiger plays golf solely for the twat. Fred Durst thinks so. wow, that sentence is lame, but maybe Tiger’s Sunday red is a tribute to ole Freddy.

And… one for Elin.

Tags: elin, elin nordegren, golf, lil wayne, limp bizkit, sex, sports, three six mafia, tiger, Tiger Woods

Songs I Would Sing In My Audition For American Idol

Feb 10, 2010 audio, celebrities, internet, movie, music, pop culture, tv, video

Personally, I feel like I was born to sing the first song, but the benefits of singing songs two and three might be too much to pass up.

1. Somebody Kill Me Please by Adam Sandler – to show off my vocal range

2.The Birthday Song by Taco (Jon Lajoie) – to hopefully get a shot at banging out Kara Dioguardi

3.  Come to My Window by Melissa Etheridge- to get a shot at banging out Ellen

Tags: adam sandler, come to my window, film, fx, melissa etheridge, movie, music, somebody kill me please, taco, the birthday song, The League, the wedding singer, tv

Kid N Play Are Still Sick As Shit

Feb 10, 2010 audio, celebrities, internet, movie, music, pop culture, tv, video

The House Party series of movies are some of the most underrated films of all-time. If you haven’t seen them, it’s like Boyz N Tha Hood with funny bad guys. Kid n Play got back together today since it’s been 20 years since the original House Party hit theaters. Watch these videos and bask in the nostalgia.

here’s the lame shit

here’s the hot shit

Tags: boyz n tha hood, film, house party, kid n play, mo'nique, movie, music, rap

Rap Lyric of the Day – “If Amazing Was A Young Bitch, I’d Be Going To Jail Because I’m Fucking Amazing”

Feb 8, 2010 audio, celebrities, music, pop culture, radio, rap lyric of the day, video

Here is the latest installment of the “Rap Lyric of the Day” segment. This entry comes from Drake and might as well have come from Cracker With Cheese considering some of his recent posts.

Uhh, set up the occasion,
I’m up in the place in,
if amazing was a young b-tch,
I be going to jail cuz I be f-cking amazing,
whats up in the taking,
I’m ready and Im willing, why the f-ck are we waiting

Tags: drake, lyrics, rap, rap lyric of the day

Is He Talking About Getting A Mouth Hug?

Jan 15, 2010 audio, celebrities, internet, pop culture, radio, video

Jason Derülo likes two things umlauts and double entendres.

Tags: blowjob, blowjobs, in my head, jason derulo, music, music video, umlauts

Fucking With Terrorists Part V – What a Surprise!

Dec 20, 2009 audio, crime, idiots

If you are not familiar with this series of posts…

Part I Part II Part III Part IV

Dearest One Lil Biznas Planz,

Greetings to you in the mighty name of God. I wish to inform you that i survied my surgical operation, and found out that you couldn’t recieve my donation fund, because you were unable to fellow the instructions of the  Security Company for them to transfer the fund to you.  But all the same, i came to realise that it wats due to your little faith in God that made you to miss this great divine opportunity.So because of your incapabilities towards recieving my donation fund, i decided to look for another child of God who can do it more better.

And now I’m happy to inform you about my success in getting those funds transferred with the assistance of a God fearing person from Indian.Presently now i’m in Indian for proper medical treatment and also setting up projects for the lessprivilage one’s and orphanage homes, as well as the widows of my type.

Meanwhile, i didn’t forget your past efforts and attempts to assist me in transferring those funds  despite that it failed us some how that is why i decided to compensate you. Now contact my Lawyer in Abidjan, Cote D’ivoire, His contacts are

BARR. JOHNSON B. COULIBALY
Coulibaly Law & Solicitor Chambers
14 Floor Flat 9, Belviour Castle Avenue 6
Rue 18 Abidjan Cote D’ Ivoire West Africa.
E-mail:barr.jcoulibaly@rocketmail.com
Tel:+225- 05501893

Ask him to send to you a Cheque worth of $85,000 US Dollars which i have signed in your favor and kept it with him for your compensation for all the past efforts and attempts to assist me in this matter.

I appreciated your efforts at that time very much, so feel free to get in touched with BARR. JOHNSON B. COULIBALY and instruct him where to send the Cheque bearing your name as the beneficiary of the total sum of $85,000 u.s dollars accredited in it.

Please do let me know immediately you have received it, so that we can share the joy and also thank God for his mercy,after all the sufferness at that time. in the moment, I am very busy here because of my medical treatments of mysickness, remember that I have forwarded every instruction to the Lawyer on your behalf to recieve the Cheque, so feel free to get in touch with BARR. JOHNSON B. COULIBALY immediately, he will send the Cheque to you without any delay.

Your’s Sincerely  One,
Mrs Muna Habib

My Response:

Muna!

Giiiiiiirrrrrllllllllllll Whats going on?!?  I didn’t know if I was going to be hearing from you. I figured you might have been a little pissed since I mayyy have talked shit behind your back to Miss Angela Solomon. How’s that Durka doing? She didn’t follow my instructions either! I have therefore come to the conclusion that the Ivory Coast is full of people who have the collective IQ of a pinecone. Alllll I wanted was a picture of you, or one of your Durkas holding up a sign that says “WE BE CORPORATE THUGGIN.’”

Then and only then after I receive that picture, I will get in touch with your lawyer. Can Mr. Coulibaly take a sweet pic of himself holding up a sign that says “WE BE CORPORATE THUGGIN?” I don’t want anything gay, so make sure he doesn’t send a picture of one of his balls or something like that. I would rather jerk off with sandpaper than have to see a pic of Mr. Coulibaly’s nutbag.

Speaking of jerking off, Im gonna go pound one out while looking at pictures of the black chick from Saved By The Bell.

Peace Nucka!

PS. Send me that FUCKING picture.

Notes:

Holy hell this was a surprise. I seriously thought after the last email “she” would never end up sending anything back. But alas, Muna is one persistent motherfucker. She reallllly wants me to have this check! I wonder how long this will go on for, because if she keeps responding, I am going to keep getting more and more absurd, or until I get this fucking picture. I mean come on, how fucking funny would it be to have someone from a third world country holding up a sign that says “WE BE CORPORATE THUGGIN,” and have the picture on our homepage. I just peed a little picturing a picture like this on our homepage.  Also, she’s in “Indian?” Really? At least try and get the country right.  Oh yeah, and when I think of a fantastic healthcare system with sanitary facilities for a major “Surgical Operations,” I immediately think India. Calcutta General, yeah, sign me up!

PS, White Collar Crime and I are considering trying to call this “lawyer” and recording the conversation. I think it would be totally worth it.

Tags: Durka Durka

Right In My Mouth Radio Propoganda

Nov 21, 2009 advertisment, audio, radio

We here at Corporate Thuggin’ had out lives changed by a very popular campus radio show entitled, Right in My Mouth Radio. These geniuses had us pounding Busch Light and listening to radio every Thursday for a few years until they met their demise and we’re forced off the air due to numerous complaints. In tribute to the show I have compiled some propoganda that they distributed. It will give you a glimpse into their world.

Rejoins

Promos

Alternate Open

Tags: promos, propoganda, radio, right in my mouth

Fucking With Terrorists Part IV – The Conclusion

Nov 20, 2009 audio, crime, idiots

4.) Just When I Think I Might Be Getting Somewhere…

Dearest Pastor Lil Biznas Planz.

My greetings to you and your family This is to inform you that i read your message to Mrs.Muna Habib, and she is glad to hear from you again, Mrs.Muna instructed me to write you this mail again, As i must introduce myself to you and to your family.

I am miss. Angela Solomon the assistace nurse to Mrs.Muna Habib. Mrs.Muna being that i told her that you requested her another picture apart from the one she was on her bed room, Mrs.Muna said that she did not have another different picture aspect this half picture she took the day she lost her late husband, she futher instruct me to let you know that giving much picture is not the best way to prove trusting each others.

Pastor Lil Biznas Planz, our sister is glad that you are in position to tranville to another country, so she said that you are highley welcome to visit her in person in this country Cote D’Ivoire, Abidjan, West Africa because she even prefer to stop any futher arrangment until you and your  wife come donw to this country in person to meet with us in this hospital then from this hospital i will take you and your wife to the security company head office were sister Muna’s late husband registered thier donation trunk box.

Mrs Muna Habib said i should let you know that this fund will be under your control towards hummanitarian and charity services including the propagation of the word of Allah. but for her more confident that her donation funds will use according her late husband heart desire, that you should forward to us your complete informations to submitte to the security company so that the security will start every proccedure for obtaining affidavit of oath from the Ministry of justice that will properly prove and show that you are her new appointed beneficiary.

Mrs.Muna is very happy for your assuring and encouraging letters you sent to us. I also appreciate your sincere words. We are trusting you to channel this fund accordingly.
the certificate of deposit of the Trunk Box which was issued to my late husband on the very first day of deposit will be forward you in the next mail, Mrs.Muna said you must keep these transaction very confidential without expossing it untill you received the trunk box containing the donation fund for security Purposes.

You have to send us your informations and to the security company as you are free to contact the Security Company director immediately and instruct them for them to do the change of ownership to your name which will legally aprove you the new beneficiary to the Trunk Box before shipment to you.

Below is your informations needed

Your house address or your church

Your phone

Below is the contact informations of the Security Company;

DELTA TRUST ASSISTANCE SECURITY COMPANY CI
Security & Trust
05 BP 700 ABIDJAN
COTE D’IVOIRE
TEL:+225-08076995
Fax; +225-21241011
E-MAIL: delta.trust@yahoo.fr
Contact Person: Mr.Jonathan Kouame (Director)

Please while contacting the Security Company remember not to disclose to the managment of the Security Company the real content of the box as fund, because her late husband as a foreigner declared the consignment to the Security Company on the first day of deposit as a family valuables not as fund for security reasons.when there is propper arrangement for this i will send you the key of the Box for the oppening. You will find the picture in attanchment

I prefer you write and contact them over the telephone so that it will facilitate them to attend to you immediately.Please as soon as you contact them get me informed. Always remember me in your daily prayers.

Yours’ Sincerely sister

Mrs.Muna Habib.

My Response:

Ms Angela Solomon,

Durka Durka! Thank your for your kindness and calling me Pastor. From now on, you can call me “General Lil Biznas Plaz” or Capitan Kickass” or just Lil’ Biznas Planz, whatever you prefer.

Angela, I’m happy Mrs. Muna started having you start typing to me instead, I think she has the IQ of a napkin or something. All her stupidity was makin my dick soft, I mean, the bitch typed worse than the one armed drummer from Def Leppard.  Mrs Muna didn’t understand what I asked. This I why I think she has something wrong with her. I asked for a picture of her, or you, or someone she knows saying “WE BE CORPORATE THUGGIN”.

Its pretty fuckin’ simple. Just take a picture of you or one of your Durkas holding up a sign that says “WE BE CORPORATE THUGGIN.” I will not send you any information until you send me a picture of that. Actually, you could send me that, or you fucking a camel. One of the other.

My wife, Topanga and I would love to come visit, in fact, I will be flying into Morocco soon anyway, so I could swing by the Ivory Coast and we could get after it, and maybe get a little high.

So if I read the email below, you want me to make a deposit in your Trunk Box? Its usually one or the other, then I need a sandwich, my balls rubbed, and maybe a quick nap too. After that I can deposit in the trunk too, its really up to you. To elaborate, I usually check out the Box first, so I must ask, how big is your box? Is it a clean box? Dirty box? White Box? Brown Box? Sandy Box? Disgruntled Box? Let me know. If you want me to make a deposit in your trunk too, I will need to know similar stats, especially if you got junk in her trunk. Ms Angela Solomon, is there junk in your trunk? If so how much? Not to mention you’re gonna need a shitload of lube, Im hung like a bear.

Send the picture I request, and we can complete transactions. Over and out motherfucker! USA! USA! USA!

Get After It in the Name of Allah,

General Lil Biznas Planz

PS. I <3 your fuckin sweet hat!

Notes:

Clearly, I lost all patience and just went nuts. I think starting it with “Durka Durka” may have crossed the line, but considering I tend to be on the lighter side when it comes to blatant racism as compared with my fellow corporate thugs, I figured why the fuck not. Needless to say I never heard back. Supposidly the people who do this are relentless in trying to get you to send them money. I singlehandidly scared one away. I’m chalking this one up in the win column, and can’t wait for the next fuck who thinks its wise to mess with this American. USA! USA!

Dramatic reading of a junior high break up letter

Nov 18, 2009 audio

Junior high is a confusing time.  For most of us, it was an era saturated with putting our dicks in any inanimate object we could find.  However, for a lucky few, relationships bloomed.  While receiving a hand job during recess may make you a legend, it also means that you will inevitably go through a junior high break up.  The medium for these breakups were either passed notes, or one of your girlfriend’s stupid friend’s voices during lunch.  Technology has provided today’s generation of adolescence with an endless supply of porn, sexting, but also new ways for teenage girls to be bitches.  This brings me to today’s performance… the dramatic reading of a real myspace breakup message.

Tags: break up, junior high