What Does Big Ben Mean By Sexual Contact?
Mar 11, 2010 celebrities, crime, pop culture, sex, sports
So Big Ben Roethlisberger is back in the news for another sexual assault, but he technically never (motioning my index finger through a circle made with my other hand). So, I thought it was necessary to put together a list of what he may be referring to.
Loading ...Tags: ben, ben roe, ben roethlisberger, big ben, crime, football, pittsburgh, sex, sexual assault, sports, steelers
Campus PD – Best Idea For A Show Ever
Mar 9, 2010 college, crime, tv, video
G4 isn’t just a station for nerds, they came up with the greatest idea for a television show of all-time. No, the show hasn’t hit it’s stride yet, but the potential of cameras around drunk kids and cops has more potential than girls on the Disney Channel.
this one’s kind of familiar
Star of Blank Check Arrested Again
Feb 20, 2010 celebrities, crime, movie, news, pop culture, tv, video
Man, this kid got really fucked up. Mr. Macintosh’s money must have went straight to his head.
Tags: blank check, brian bonsall, child star, crime, family ties, film, movie, tv
Super Bowl Commercials
Feb 8, 2010 advertisment, caption contest, celebrities, crime, government, idiots, internet, news, pittsburgh, politics, pop culture, sports, tv, video
Trying to come up with a title for this post was hard, seeing that every internet media blog has taken some variation of “Monday Morning Fill-in-a-term” even though they have no idea what sport reference this is making. ANYWAYS, as a whole I was upset with how unfunny the commercials happened to be this year. And if I see one more Denny’s commercial I will kill someone. You can find all the commercials on YouTube, but to save you time, this is all you need to know:
Best unintentional-intentional comedy that has no business trying to be funny:
Best showing of why Americans think Pittsburgh sucks:
Only commercial that got me to LOL, thanks Lamar:
Commercial that would have been funny if it wasn’t leaked before it aired [FYI - all the Doritos commercials sucked, and when someone at work reminded me that they were submitted to the company by ordinary people it makes me wonder why a they would waste $2.5 million on a spot]:
Most original idea that came from last year’s #1 summer comedy movie:
Best use of taking a popular TV show concept from a non-CBS station:
Worst use of tax money:
Bud Light was the, per usual, best brander this year, they also had the best rap artist joke from 2008:
Finally, the commercial you should watch about 100 times comes from Audi. It gets my M. Night Shyamalan award. To start, I thought it was a take on what America would be about if Al Gore was Prez. Also, for the first 40 seconds it will have you thinking it is a joke on white-collar crime, not to be confused with White-Collar Crime. During this time you may also think it is a joke about white people actually being capable of committing crime. Finally you will see it is about being a hippie:
… I also like this commercial because I play a small part in the financing of it
Tags: Al Gore, Audi, bud light, Census, Commerical, Dennys, doritos, Focus on the Family, hippie, Lamar Odom, Lost, m. night shyamalan, pittsburgh, Super Bowl, T-Pain, The Hangover, Tim Tebow, youtube
The Inspiration for The Wire Should Have Got Into Filmmaking
Jan 10, 2010 celebrities, crime, internet, movie, pop culture, tv, video
Whether or not you watch The Wire, you’ll definitely appreciate this video. The inspiration for the show and namesake of a few characters, Avon Barksdale, did a series of filmed interviews with actor Wood Harris. It also seems that the real life Barksdale got his hand in on the filmmaking as it features a stripper shooting a guy in the head as well as a girl getting her face burned by a curling iron. I’m pretty sure this wasn’t how the video was supposed to turn out, but it’s way more badass.
Tags: avon barksdale, crime, drugs, film, internet, the wire, tv, video
Reason Behind The Publicity of Casey Johnson’s Death
Jan 6, 2010 celebrities, crime, idiots, internet, pop culture, sex
In my attempt to figure out a little bit more about the lesbian heiress, Casey Johnson, I stumbled across a report from this past December. Apparently, Johnson broke into her ex-girlfriend’s apartment and stole jewelery, shoes, legal docs, clothing and underwear. This is a great start to a story, but it gets way better because she decidely to leave a calling card sort of like Marv from Home Alone. You might be thinking that, “that’s kind of lame, who emulates a criminal from a kid’s movie,” but you would be wrong. Johnson enters epic crazy status and should be considered for the Corporate Thuggin’ Hall of Fame, because she left a used vibrator and a wet towel. The absurdity of this action made me think of one great movie scene, when Lou Brown in Major League wipes his ass with Roger Dorn’s contract. Yeah, Johnson even made Lou Brown look like a pussy.
Tags: casey johnson, crime, lesbians, vibrator
Krunk with Kids
Jan 6, 2010 crime, idiots, news, photo, tv, video
If Hayden Wright needs drinking buddies, we got some options:
- An 8 year old Ohio boy was boozing on New Years Day at his moms get together. To quote his father Michael Truewell “when he stumbled through the door, my girlfriend had to catch him,” makes sense as his son was so drunk he “needed his 15-year-old brother to help him cross the street to go home.”
- In Wisconsin, a mother (Sarah Shay) is accused of providing champagne and Mike’s Hard Lemonade at her 12 year old’s birthday party. It was a swimming / overnight party at a West Bend hotel for the daughter and nine friends.
Tags: birthday, champagne, Hayden Wright, Michael Truewell, Mike's Hard Lemonade, New Years, party, Sarah Shay
Gettin’ pumped for 2010 – Part 2
Dec 23, 2009 caption contest, crime, photo, pop culture, uncategorized
Get pumped for: someone who is turning all her fingers in January
Nothing beats a girl having to use both hands. Also, expect me to be in jail or burning in hell by 2011:
Tags: noah cyrus
Fucking With Terrorists Part V – What a Surprise!
Dec 20, 2009 audio, crime, idiots
If you are not familiar with this series of posts…
Part I Part II Part III Part IV
0:00 / 0:00
Dearest One Lil Biznas Planz,
Greetings to you in the mighty name of God. I wish to inform you that i survied my surgical operation, and found out that you couldn’t recieve my donation fund, because you were unable to fellow the instructions of the Security Company for them to transfer the fund to you. But all the same, i came to realise that it wats due to your little faith in God that made you to miss this great divine opportunity.So because of your incapabilities towards recieving my donation fund, i decided to look for another child of God who can do it more better.
And now I’m happy to inform you about my success in getting those funds transferred with the assistance of a God fearing person from Indian.Presently now i’m in Indian for proper medical treatment and also setting up projects for the lessprivilage one’s and orphanage homes, as well as the widows of my type.
Meanwhile, i didn’t forget your past efforts and attempts to assist me in transferring those funds despite that it failed us some how that is why i decided to compensate you. Now contact my Lawyer in Abidjan, Cote D’ivoire, His contacts are
BARR. JOHNSON B. COULIBALY
Coulibaly Law & Solicitor Chambers
14 Floor Flat 9, Belviour Castle Avenue 6
Rue 18 Abidjan Cote D’ Ivoire West Africa.
E-mail:barr.jcoulibaly@rocketmail.com
Tel:+225- 05501893
Ask him to send to you a Cheque worth of $85,000 US Dollars which i have signed in your favor and kept it with him for your compensation for all the past efforts and attempts to assist me in this matter.
I appreciated your efforts at that time very much, so feel free to get in touched with BARR. JOHNSON B. COULIBALY and instruct him where to send the Cheque bearing your name as the beneficiary of the total sum of $85,000 u.s dollars accredited in it.
Please do let me know immediately you have received it, so that we can share the joy and also thank God for his mercy,after all the sufferness at that time. in the moment, I am very busy here because of my medical treatments of mysickness, remember that I have forwarded every instruction to the Lawyer on your behalf to recieve the Cheque, so feel free to get in touch with BARR. JOHNSON B. COULIBALY immediately, he will send the Cheque to you without any delay.
Your’s Sincerely One,
Mrs Muna Habib
My Response:
Muna!
Giiiiiiirrrrrllllllllllll Whats going on?!? I didn’t know if I was going to be hearing from you. I figured you might have been a little pissed since I mayyy have talked shit behind your back to Miss Angela Solomon. How’s that Durka doing? She didn’t follow my instructions either! I have therefore come to the conclusion that the Ivory Coast is full of people who have the collective IQ of a pinecone. Alllll I wanted was a picture of you, or one of your Durkas holding up a sign that says “WE BE CORPORATE THUGGIN.’”
Then and only then after I receive that picture, I will get in touch with your lawyer. Can Mr. Coulibaly take a sweet pic of himself holding up a sign that says “WE BE CORPORATE THUGGIN?” I don’t want anything gay, so make sure he doesn’t send a picture of one of his balls or something like that. I would rather jerk off with sandpaper than have to see a pic of Mr. Coulibaly’s nutbag.
Speaking of jerking off, Im gonna go pound one out while looking at pictures of the black chick from Saved By The Bell.
Peace Nucka!
PS. Send me that FUCKING picture.
Notes:
Holy hell this was a surprise. I seriously thought after the last email “she” would never end up sending anything back. But alas, Muna is one persistent motherfucker. She reallllly wants me to have this check! I wonder how long this will go on for, because if she keeps responding, I am going to keep getting more and more absurd, or until I get this fucking picture. I mean come on, how fucking funny would it be to have someone from a third world country holding up a sign that says “WE BE CORPORATE THUGGIN,” and have the picture on our homepage. I just peed a little picturing a picture like this on our homepage. Also, she’s in “Indian?” Really? At least try and get the country right. Oh yeah, and when I think of a fantastic healthcare system with sanitary facilities for a major “Surgical Operations,” I immediately think India. Calcutta General, yeah, sign me up!
PS, White Collar Crime and I are considering trying to call this “lawyer” and recording the conversation. I think it would be totally worth it.
Tags: Durka Durka
I Heart @Missnoiecyrus
Dec 15, 2009 crime, internet, music, rap lyric of the day, video
Noah Cyrus is 9 and awesome. Rap video of the year. Team Noah:
