Corporate Thuggin'

Archive for the ‘freaks’ Category

Baby Gaga

Mar 3, 2010 caption contest, celebrities, dumb girls, freaks, idiots, music, pop culture, tv, video

If you need to reach me please leave a message, I am searching the world for whatever country this is…

Forever 21’s Best Posts Of The Year

Dec 29, 2009 advertisment, celebrities, college, freaks, idiots, internet, movie, music, news, pop culture, radio, sex, she could get it, tv, video

I haven’t gotten to post in a little bit because I’ve been fucking the shit out of corporate life and making it feel like more of a bitch the Adam James, but I decided that I’d put together a list of my favorite posts from each member of the CT crew.

briefcase and brass knuckles -Next Thursday, Who Wants In? – Following a full-on comment assault of a college newpaper article (which included the definition of a rainbow kiss), this kid was able to pull it together for all the non-losers who don’t read pussy college newspapers and instead turn the CT for their news.

cracker with cheese – Jennifer Aniston – when he wasn’t busy stalking Miley’s little sister, he provided one of the best one-liners ever written on the internet.

Forever 21 – Proof of Undergraduate Thuggin’ – It’s no mystery that I still live like I was in college, but when I got this e-mail from our landlord following graduation, I had proof that I did it right as an undergrad. Also, this landlord dabbles in adjectives like Michael Lohan dabbles in cunt-punching, true innovators.

I brought the table – Somebody Beat Us To Starting a Non-Profit – His latest effort gave us a look into the athletic exploits of some twat from Jersey Shore, but it wasn’t Snooki so I didn’t give a shit. His very first post though was definitely his best work.

invincible period – Things to Jack Off To Series – Yes he is a fag who likes cats, but he did provide us with a series of posts that has us on the first page of google when you search “things to jack off to,” yeah buddy rollin’ like a big shot.

Lil’ Biznas Planz – We Be… Corporate Thuggin! – Although his “Fucking With Terrorists” was as innovative as it gets, I can’t overlook that he gave our site it’s own theme song. A theme song that included lyrics such as these …

We’ll try and fuck your girl, no maybe
we slamming other bitches boxes, daily
yo weekly, monthly and yearly
until you dumb motherfuckers see clearly
that we’re down with the U S of A
All other countries are GAY

white-collar crime – Too Soon? , Exclusive Michael Jackson Autopsy Photo – He came on strong with two MJ related posts within hours of the King’s death, this provided readers early on with a glimpse of the essence behind white-collar crime. He will shit on your grave and make people laugh about it.

Get ready for 2010, the year Corporate Thuggin’ gets your girlfriend pregnant.

Tags: adam james, cats, college, corporate thugs, football, Jennifer Aniston, jersey shore, michael jackson, mike leach, miley, miley cyrus, noah cyrus, sammy sweatheart, sports, terrorists, texas tech, things to jack off to, vikki blows

Google Jack Off

Dec 22, 2009 freaks, google, internet, video

White-collar crime sent this out in an email:

Google things to jack off to and you will find CT (thanks invincible period), but you will also find this kid. And this kid has problems:

Tags: google, invincible period, things to jack off to, TyTaul1, white-collar crime

note to self – stop using limewire

Dec 6, 2009 caption contest, college, crime, freaks, idiots, internet, news, photo, she could get it, tv, video

I wish I could find a way to post the news video from this link, but this is one of the funniest local news interviews I have ever seen:

http://cbs13.com/local/limewire.child.porn.2.1346842.html

Basic story summary: 20 year old Matt White goes on Limewire to download a Girls Gone Wild video, but he gets child porn, a year later the FBI finds it and now at 22 he could face going to jail for 20 years.

Note to self: Limewire can help you find child porn labeled other things. And if you still use Limewire in 2009 you need to stop listening to music on your walkman and rewinding your VHS rentals before bringing them back to the video store.

Tags: child porn, girls gone wild, limewire, matthew white

Adam is a girls name?

Nov 23, 2009 celebrities, freaks, music, nsfw, photo, pop culture, video

I feel I need to start by stating that I had no idea who Adam Lambert was. Judging by this album cover I thought it was a ugly, P!nk wanna be, girl who thinks she can sing:

But this video really helped clear things up for me; Adam is one of those people who makes everyone around him uncomfortable (aka a huge, flaming homo). I think even Lady Gaga would ask what the fuck is kid doing:

Tags: Adam Lambert, lady gaga, P!nk

Fucking With Terrorists Part I

Nov 16, 2009 crime, freaks, idiots, internet, uncategorized

For our consistent readers, you may recall a post a while back that White Collar Crime made about screwing with those people who spam your email trying to get you to send them money. I remember thinking, that if I ever got one of those emails again, I would fuck with these people too, it looks like fun. Well folks, that is exactly what happened.

I would like you to enjoy the emails that went back and forth between myself and Ms. Muna Habib. I will spreading them out in a 4 part Series you can expect every day this week. I can ensure you everything said in this emails is completely true, and the only thing I changed was my name. Normally this post will require extensive reading, so for our average reader who is used to pussy and fart jokes which require little effort to understand, I figured I would do something to keep their attention. Therefore, I read and recorded the emails in a voice of how I imagine she sounds like…something like Borat.

1.) “Initial Correspondence”

Muna1.mp3

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Download

Assalamn aleikum

I am Mrs. Muna Habib from South Africa, married to Alhaji Habib Nasser who was until his death an exporter of antiquities based in Cote d’ivoire, we were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only two weeks. Before his death
we were both faithful Muslims.

Since his death I decided not to remarry or get a child outside my
matrimonial home which the holly Quaran is against. When my late
husband was alive he deposited the sum of ($3.5 Million U.S. Dollars)
in one the famous financial institutions here in Abidjan capital of
Cote d’ivoire.

Recently my doctor confirmed to me that I have serious sickness which
is cancer problem. The one that disturbs me most is my stroke
sickness.

Having known my condition I decided to donate this money to an Islamic
institution or individual that will utilize this money the way I am
going to instruct herein. I want a muslim that will use this money for
orphanage homes, hospitals, mosque, schools, and propagation of the
word of the mighty Allah and to endeavour that the house of almighty
Allah is maintained. The holly Quaran made us to understand that
Blessed is the hand that gives.

I took this decision because I don’t have any child that will inherit
this money and my husband relatives are not Muslims and I don’t want
my husband’s effort to be used by unbelievers. I don’t want a
situation whereby this money will be used in an unGodly way. This is
why I am taking this decision.
I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I
am going to be in the bosom of the almighty Allah. As stated in the
holly Quaran (Surah xxxvi Yasin) Thou wariest only him who followeth
the reminder and feareth the beneficent in secret to him bear tiding
of forgives and a rich reward.

I don’t need any telephone communication in this regard because of my
health hence the presence of my husband’s relatives around me always.
I don’t want them to know about this development. With almighty Allah
all things are possible.

As soon as I receive your reply I will direct you on how this vission
will be realised. I want you and the Islamic institution to always
pray for me because the almighty Allah is my shepherd. My happiness
is that I lived a life of a worthy Muslim. Whoever that wants to serve
the almighty Allah must serve him in spirit and truth.

Please always be prayerful all through your life. Any delay in your
reply will give me room to sourcing another Islamic institution or a
good muslim for this same purpose.
Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated herein.

Your Sister in the Islam.
Mrs. Muna Habib

My Response:

“I Will Act, What Do I have to do?”

Notes:

As soon as I saw “Assalamn aleikum” I knew I was in for a treat. If you read through this or listen, the English is so bad it makes George Bush look like the fuckin’ Poet Laureate. I kept my correspondence brief to see if they would actually respond…

Part II coming soon.

Tags: Durka Durka, Morons

Girl Loves Miley, Girls Hates Cats, If Miley Doesn’t Go Back Twitter, Girl Will Eat Her Cat

Oct 29, 2009 celebrities, crime, freaks, idiots, internet

The headline pretty much spells this one out for you. Some girl is threatening Miley Cyrus and the world in general that she will kill and eat her cat, Fuzzy, if Miley doesn’t start tweeting gain. This girl’s pretty fucked up, she’s got a cat recipe. This girl is obviously a future serial killer, but I kind of want to see if she goes through with it. I’m guessing she’ll puss out. Prove me wrong bitch.

Tags: animal killing, cat, cats, girl, miley, miley cyrus, murder, twitter

A Few Examples Women Getting Owned

Oct 29, 2009 celebrities, crime, freaks, idiots, internet, music, photo, video

You might realize that I said “owned” and not “pwned,” that’s because I’m not a queer. In other news, I’ve been doing my usual trip around the internet to look for some funny stuff and I’ve come across an unusual amount of examples of women getting their shit handed to them. Here are a few examples of what I’m talking about.

1. This is a video of Melissa Joan Hart of Clarissa Explains It All and Sabrina the Teenage Witch fame. She is currently on Dancing with the Stars and is featured in an interview with the great Jimmy Kimmel. Kimmel just destroys her in the clip after she tries to get a little sassy. She just seems like a hot girl from high school who just stays bitchy and gets less hot with every passing year.

2. By now you’ve probably seen the pictures of Taylor Swift with some kid and a swastika. The story behind the picture is probably that this kid is just a douche, but our sweetheart Taylor needs to watch out for this because she pretty much looks like the prototypical Aryan.

3. I saw this on Warming Glow and couldn’t stop laughing after the line of “Acid, Bitch,” I assume you’ll do the same.

Tags: aryans, clarissa explains it all, dancing, dancing with the stars, douchebags, jimmy kimmel, melissa joan hart, sabrina the teenage witch, swastika, Taylor Swift

How to Survive College – Part 6

Oct 28, 2009 college, freaks, idiots, internet, photo, she could get it

Join student groups with people that have the same morals and beliefs:

Northeastern Students for Choice was the talk of the CT staff for most of the afternoon. Join their email list by sending a message to nuprochoice@gmail.com, or find their group on facebook. There they have some special photos (dildo party at conors, girls that never had an actual penis inside them):

To find a full list of communist organizations, most schools will post their Special Interest Groups. They are usually found around campus complaining about how student activity fee money is spent and wondering why no one wants to go to their Sickle Cell Fashion Show. Some groups to consider at NU are:

More Insanity From This Is Beetle

Oct 28, 2009 advertisment, celebrities, freaks, idiots, internet, tv, video

Here are some more clips from the Beetlejuice show, This is Beetle. They also have a game on Howard’s website that’s a pretty good time and gives you a better look at what Beet really is all about. Also, thanks to HowardTV for the twitter love, when we got tweeted I got a semi. Remember to follow us on twitter, don’t be a bitch.