Corporate Thuggin'

Archive for the ‘news’ Category

I thought I’d give Tiger a few options for his walk up to the podium for tomorrow’s press conference. The Tiger songs are pretty lame to tell you the truth, but my suggestion for Elin transcends adultery.

Lil Wayne should have just called this one Tiger’s Autobiography

Anything from Three Six Mafia would def instill Tiger’s vibe

Do you think is possible that Tiger plays golf solely for the twat. Fred Durst thinks so. wow, that sentence is lame, but maybe Tiger’s Sunday red is a tribute to ole Freddy.

And… one for Elin.

Tags: elin, elin nordegren, golf, lil wayne, limp bizkit, sex, sports, three six mafia, tiger, Tiger Woods

Super Bowl Commercials

Feb 8, 2010 advertisment, caption contest, celebrities, crime, government, idiots, internet, news, pittsburgh, politics, pop culture, sports, tv, video

Trying to come up with a title for this post was hard, seeing that every internet media blog has taken some variation of “Monday Morning Fill-in-a-term” even though they have no idea what sport reference this is making. ANYWAYS, as a whole I was upset with how unfunny the commercials happened to be this year. And if I see one more Denny’s commercial I will kill someone. You can find all the commercials on YouTube, but to save you time, this is all you need to know:

Best unintentional-intentional comedy that has no business trying to be funny:

Best showing of why Americans think Pittsburgh sucks:

Only commercial that got me to LOL, thanks Lamar:

Commercial that would have been funny if it wasn’t leaked before it aired [FYI - all the Doritos commercials sucked, and when someone at work reminded me that they were submitted to the company by ordinary people it makes me wonder why a they would waste $2.5 million on a spot]:

Most original idea that came from last year’s #1 summer comedy movie:

Best use of taking a popular TV show concept from a non-CBS station:

Worst use of tax money:

Bud Light was the, per usual, best brander this year, they also had the best rap artist joke from 2008:

Finally, the commercial you should watch about 100 times comes from Audi. It gets my M. Night Shyamalan award. To start, I thought it was a take on what America would be about if Al Gore was Prez. Also, for the first 40 seconds it will have you thinking it is a joke on white-collar crime, not to be confused with White-Collar Crime. During this time you may also think it is a joke about white people actually being capable of committing crime. Finally you will see it is about being a hippie:

… I also like this commercial because I play a small part in the financing of it

Tags: Al Gore, Audi, bud light, Census, Commerical, Dennys, doritos, Focus on the Family, hippie, Lamar Odom, Lost, m. night shyamalan, pittsburgh, Super Bowl, T-Pain, The Hangover, Tim Tebow, youtube

White Done Right

Jan 25, 2010 celebrities, college, internet, news, photo, sports, tv

For those of you who may have missed it last week, a new professional basketball league has been proposed that would be labeled as “It’s all white, U.S. citizens [who were born] white.” Don ‘Moose’ Lewis, an Atlanta boxing and wrestling promoter said this All-American Basketball Alliance will start in several southern cities in June. Lewis makes the point that this is not racist, with his comment: “How are the Soul Train awards not racist? It’s not racist it’s just a niche, its entertainment.”

Personally, I think the way Lewis is going at it (middle, white America), will just turn into a league filled with white guys who think they can play, like this:

If you are going to start this league you have to do it right and this is how:

1. White guys in the U.S. are not at the level to were they can fill a league yet, we need to mix in an International conference.

2. Don’t limit locations to just the South, by using current NBA markets you can tap into their niche fans.

3. Because no one will think these teams can be any good you need to have them end a season with a playoff to find a league champion, with the winner playing two exhibition games. The first being against black guys who act white (team Urkels) and finally black guys who put fear in the eye of white people (team Black Power).

With these three rules you can organize the league, draft current NBA players, and create the following teams:

CONFERENCE AMERICA:

Boston White Hopes – guys who you want to succeed purely because they are white

Jose Jaun Barea – G
Chase Budinger – G
Brian Scalabrine – F
Kevin Love – F
David Lee – C
Brook Lopez – C

Indiana Minkus – guys who look like nerds that you could beat in your men’s league

Luke Ridnour – G
Coby Karl – G
Brian Cardinal – F
Steve Novak – F
Joel Przybilla –C
Jeff Foster – C

Phoenix Kappa Tappa Kega – guys who you would consider your best frat bro

Kirk Hinrich – G
Kyle Korver – G
Jason Kapono – F
Wally Szczerbiak – F
Troy Murphy – F
Luke Walton – F

Charlotte Neverlands – guys who wish they were still getting after it in the freshmen dorms

Travis Diener – G
J.J. Redick – G
Adam Morrison – F
Mike Dunleavy – F
Tyler Hansbrough – F
Steve Blake – G

Orlando Slim Shadys – guys who live outside their skin color

Mike Bibby – G
Jason Williams – G
Robert Swift – F
Chris Anderson – F
Brad Miller – C
Scot Pollard – C

Milwaukee Beast Ice – guys who might have been born through the breeding of cousins

Mike Miller – G
Chris Quinn – G
B.J. Mullens – F
Nick Collison – F
Chris Kaman – C
Joe Alexander – F

CONFERENCE WORLD:

Dallas Dragos – guys who would have played international villains in ’80s movies

Steve Nash – G
Marco Belinelli – G (included solely because he looks like Rocky Balboa)
Andrei Kirilenko – F
Dirk Nowitzki – F
Andris Biedrins – C
Jonas Jerebko – F

Portland Sabonis – guys who exude the legendary essence that is Arvydas Sabonis

Goran Dragic – G
Beno Udrih – G
Sasha Pavlovic – F
Oleksiy Pecherov – F
Zydrunas Ilgauskas – C
Darko Milicic – C

Toronto Grease – guys who look like creeps, but could be slammin’ your girl as we speak

Tony Parker – G
Sasha Vujacic – G
Pau Gasol – F
Luis Scola – F
Marc Gasol – C
Nenad Krstic – C

New York Carbombs mixture of players with Serbian, Turkish, Iranian and Greek backgrounds; let the fun begin

Marko Jaric – G
Peja Stojakovic – G
Hedo Turkoglu – F
Mehmet Okur – F
Hamed Haddadi – C
Kasta Koufos – C

Exhibition Teams:

San Antonio Urkels – guys that are black but who act white

Derek Fisher – G
Shane Battier – G
Grant Hill – F
Antawn Jamison – F
Tim Duncan – C
Chris Duhon – G

Denver Black Power – guys that are black and put fear in your eyes

Allen Iverson – G
Delonte West – G
Ron Artest – F
Kenyon Martin – F
Rasheed Wallace – C
DeShawn Stevenson – G

Tags: All-American Basketball Alliance, Along Came Polly, basketball, Don Lewis, nba, white people, whitethoughts

More Mom Emails

Jan 23, 2010 government, idiots, internet, news, politics, science, video

Got this today:

Tags: mom email, Nov 2 2010

Conan O’Brien Farewell to NBC

Jan 23, 2010 news, pop culture, video

From his final ‘Tonight Show’ on 1/22/2010:

Tags: conan o'brien, nbc, tonight show

Tiger’s Wife Turning Into Sarah Connor

Jan 19, 2010 celebrities, internet, movie, news, pop culture, sex, sports, tv

With each passing day, Elin is looking more like Sarah Connor from Terminator. While Tiger was getting after it, could Elin have been doing the same? Maybe she found a soldier from the future and got the shit plowed out of her. Maybe that kid’s the future savior of the human race. The weird thing is that Tiger acts more like a robot than Arnold did in the movie.

Tags: elin nordegren, film, golf, linda hamilton, look a like, movie, sarah connor, terminator, Tiger Woods

Sorry @Missnoiecyrus

Jan 9, 2010 celebrities, news, pop culture, video

I am the worst stalker in the world. Yesterday was the 10th birthday of Noah Cyrus and I completely forgot. I will make it up to her by watching her latest youtube video on repeat for the rest of the weekend:

Tags: birthday, noah cyrus, stalker

Krunk with Kids

Jan 6, 2010 crime, idiots, news, photo, tv, video

If Hayden Wright needs drinking buddies, we got some options:

- An 8 year old Ohio boy was boozing on New Years Day at his moms get together. To quote his father Michael Truewell “when he stumbled through the door, my girlfriend had to catch him,” makes sense as his son was so drunk he “needed his 15-year-old brother to help him cross the street to go home.”

- In Wisconsin, a mother (Sarah Shay) is accused of providing champagne and Mike’s Hard Lemonade at her 12 year old’s birthday party. It was a swimming / overnight party at a West Bend hotel for the daughter and nine friends.

Tags: birthday, champagne, Hayden Wright, Michael Truewell, Mike's Hard Lemonade, New Years, party, Sarah Shay

Forever 21’s Best Posts Of The Year

Dec 29, 2009 advertisment, celebrities, college, freaks, idiots, internet, movie, music, news, pop culture, radio, sex, she could get it, tv, video

I haven’t gotten to post in a little bit because I’ve been fucking the shit out of corporate life and making it feel like more of a bitch the Adam James, but I decided that I’d put together a list of my favorite posts from each member of the CT crew.

briefcase and brass knuckles -Next Thursday, Who Wants In? – Following a full-on comment assault of a college newpaper article (which included the definition of a rainbow kiss), this kid was able to pull it together for all the non-losers who don’t read pussy college newspapers and instead turn the CT for their news.

cracker with cheese – Jennifer Aniston – when he wasn’t busy stalking Miley’s little sister, he provided one of the best one-liners ever written on the internet.

Forever 21 – Proof of Undergraduate Thuggin’ – It’s no mystery that I still live like I was in college, but when I got this e-mail from our landlord following graduation, I had proof that I did it right as an undergrad. Also, this landlord dabbles in adjectives like Michael Lohan dabbles in cunt-punching, true innovators.

I brought the table – Somebody Beat Us To Starting a Non-Profit – His latest effort gave us a look into the athletic exploits of some twat from Jersey Shore, but it wasn’t Snooki so I didn’t give a shit. His very first post though was definitely his best work.

invincible period – Things to Jack Off To Series – Yes he is a fag who likes cats, but he did provide us with a series of posts that has us on the first page of google when you search “things to jack off to,” yeah buddy rollin’ like a big shot.

Lil’ Biznas Planz – We Be… Corporate Thuggin! – Although his “Fucking With Terrorists” was as innovative as it gets, I can’t overlook that he gave our site it’s own theme song. A theme song that included lyrics such as these …

We’ll try and fuck your girl, no maybe
we slamming other bitches boxes, daily
yo weekly, monthly and yearly
until you dumb motherfuckers see clearly
that we’re down with the U S of A
All other countries are GAY

white-collar crime – Too Soon? , Exclusive Michael Jackson Autopsy Photo – He came on strong with two MJ related posts within hours of the King’s death, this provided readers early on with a glimpse of the essence behind white-collar crime. He will shit on your grave and make people laugh about it.

Get ready for 2010, the year Corporate Thuggin’ gets your girlfriend pregnant.