Archive for the ‘nsfw’ Category

Note to Self: Go To Tila Tequila Concerts

Aug 18, 2010 caption contest, celebrities, dumb girls, idiots, injuries, internet, music, nsfw, photo, pop culture, she could get it, video

Before:

During:

After:

Story from TMZ

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Retired Basketball Relationships

May 6, 2010 celebrities, dumb girls, freaks, idiots, internet, news, nsfw, photo, pop culture, sex, she could get it, sports, tv, uncategorized, video

VH1 may have just taken the cake as the smartest reality TV show provider around.  From the channel that has brought you [fill in the blank] Rehab with Dr. Drew, Hogan Knows Best, Breaking Bonaduce, The Pick-up Artist, Flavor of Love, Rock of Love, I Love Money, Megan Wants a Millionaire, Tool Academy, the list goes on; comes yet another ground breaking show, Basketball Wives.  Judging by the fact that there is no Wikipedia entry for this show, I feel that America is not watching this masterpiece unfold.  Take a look at what you are missing…

Premiering almost five weeks ago, the show is somewhat of a brain child of Shaunie O’Neal, an executive producer and ex-wife of Shaquille O’Neal.  The magnitude of what this show has done for me is a bit overwhelming:

Cast Lineup:

Taking a play from my previous basketball post on an all-white basketball league, let’s take a look at how the woman of the show represent a starting lineup and sixth man.  The height and crazy to this lineup is off the charts:

Matt Barnes – SF Gloria Govan – Fiancee

Eric Williams – PF Jennifer Williams – Wife

Antoine Walker – PF Evelyn Lozada – Ex Wife

Dwight Howard – C Royce Reed – Baby Mama

Shaquille O’Neal – C Shaunie O’Neal – Ex Wife

Michael Olowokondi – C Suzie Ketcham – Ex Girlfriend

Giving some more background to this couples, Matt Barnes and Gloria Govan are the only people that appear to have heads on their shoulders. They clearly had no idea what this show was getting themselves into, and it seems landing on his seventh team in a city near the rest of these girls was just bad luck.

So far in the episodes Eric and Jennifer Williams are still married; and with Barnes, Eric is the only other actual basketball player getting air time; but because of his past cheating I don’t expect Eric to be stealing scenes much longer.

Evelyn Lozada spends much of her camera time explaining how she is not a gold digger and is moving on after separating from Antoine Walker (who has made over $100 million but is now bankrupt and playing in Puerto Rico and paying her thousands a month in child support).

BREAKING NEWS: The shimmy shake is trying to make a comeback!

Royce Reed is only named on the show as an past Heat and Magic dancer.  You won’t hear her mention Dwight Howard’s name, she legally can’t as she is banned from “using or publishing (orally, in writing, or otherwise), directly, indirectly or by innuendo, [Dwight's] name, nicknames, image, brand photographs, and/or likeness.“

Shaunie O’Neal, who calls herself the ‘Queen Bee’ of the girls, was served this letter after the first episode; she hasn’t been a major character since that episode.  To add to the drama, Shaq is allegedly putting his dick in Gloria’s sister.

After landing the number one overall bust Michael Olowokondi, Suzie Ketcham is fittingly the bust of this group as well.  This pair has two kids together, I want photographic proof to see how close to an alien these creatures are.

Episodes:

1.  Meeting the girls and Royce drama at a Super Bowl party (see video below).

2.  Evelyn throws herself a 34th birthday party with what is left of Antoine Walker’s money.  Episode introduces the one and only Eric Williams.

3.  Evelyn and Jen get disgusted by the city of Orlando.  Groupie conflict begins.

4.  Eric Williams steals the episode, housing hunting with Jen.  Listen up VH1, you need to start a spin-off show, house shopping with athletes and their wives who are about to get divorced.  Also, fancy restaurant fighting.  Posting this episode while it is still available online…

5. Make sure to watch this Sunday at 10:00pm.  The show is filmed in Miami, so remember there is a 40% chance you will see a Bangbros casting taking place in the background.

Drama:

Either I have very bad skills at finding videos on youtube, or VH1 is very protective of their content.  I can’t find any good clips from the show, this is all I can leave you with:

Season preview:

Introducing Plastic Surgery:

Terrell Owens and Ludacris Super Bowl party video of Royce Reed:

And I couldn’t end this post without showing that, since the start of the show, Evelyn Lozada had some self portraits make their way online:

NSFW IMAGE

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This Movie Doesn’t Look Very Funny, But Aziz Is In It

Mar 23, 2010 celebrities, internet, movie, nsfw, pop culture, video

I haven’t seen any good redband trailers in a while and this one doesn’t really quench my thirst, but it does have Aziz Ansari in it so it was pretty good. He said to be hosting the MTV Movie Awards so Twilight skits with an indian guy are going to pretty hilarious. You can stop watching after the five 15 seconds.

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This Movie Is Like Blow, Except About Porn

Feb 20, 2010 celebrities, internet, movie, nsfw, pop culture, she could get it, tv, video

I heard about this movie over on filmdrunk, and it was good to hear that Luke Wilson took a break from showing his new and improved extra wide face on att commercials. The movie is called Middle Men and the trailer is definitely not safe for work as it focuses on the rise of internet porn. The only thing you really need to know is the tag line for the film, “Getting In is Easy. Pulling Out is Hard.” Why the fuck couldn’t we come out with a line that good to go with our website, god damn it. After watching this trailer, note that we have a segment called “Things to Jack Off To,” I’m just sayin’.

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OMFM – Oh My Fucking MacGruber

Jan 19, 2010 advertisment, celebrities, idiots, internet, movie, nsfw, pop culture, tv, video

How did I not know this movie was coming out (release date April 23):

All we can hope for is more racism:

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Chloe

Jan 12, 2010 advertisment, celebrities, dumb girls, movie, nsfw, sex, she could get it, video

For those who ever wondered what Amanda Seyfried (Karen from Mean Girls) looks like naked and going down on Liam Neeson, you will not have to wait much longer:

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Gettin’ pumped for 2010 – Part 1

Dec 23, 2009 movie, nsfw, pop culture, video

Get pumped for: the movie Kick-Ass which comes out in April

Preview for pussies:

Preview for kids who can enter fake info on a computer:

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Lindsay Lohan: Goldilocks and the Three Breast Shots, Part 2

Dec 15, 2009 celebrities, nsfw, pop culture, sex, she could get it, video

Unlike Invincible Period I think I know the difference between porn and art:

If it is in black and white and everyone looks like they are tripping on drugs you got art.  Stay classy Lindsay.

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Lindsay Lohan: Goldilocks and the Three Breast Shots

Dec 15, 2009 celebrities, nsfw, sex, she could get it

Apparently Lindsay Lohan finally stopped eating box and started eating something that supports the natural development of her breasts. To demonstrate, she posed for some terrible magazine that I’ve never heard of, and shows some T&A in various stages of undress that I will describe to you using a very delicately-crafted allusion to Goldilocks and the Three Bears:

This porn is too soft-core:

This porn is too hard-core:

This porn is just right:

Oh, BTW this is NSFW, unless you work in a brothel, like Cracker with Cheese.

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Adam is a girls name?

Nov 23, 2009 celebrities, freaks, music, nsfw, photo, pop culture, video

I feel I need to start by stating that I had no idea who Adam Lambert was.  Judging by this album cover I thought it was a ugly, P!nk wanna be, girl who thinks she can sing:

adam lambert

But this video really helped clear things up for me; Adam is one of those people who makes everyone around him uncomfortable (aka a huge, flaming homo).  I think even Lady Gaga would ask what the fuck is kid doing:

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