Lisa Glide, 35, a drama teacher at Old Bridge High School in the dirty Jers, pled guilty in 2009 to having sex with one of her 17-year old students. Her defense? “He pursued.” Shit, now I find out 8 years out high school that thats all it takes, FML.

Sheral Smith

This shit is ridiculous. Sheral Smith, 37, was sentenced to 7 years after having sex with a 14-year old student of the private high school at which she taught. So what’s crazy about that? First, that Smith wasn’t even one of the kid’s teachers — so apparently she just picked some random ass 14-year old off the recess field. What is even more crazy is her ballsyness in fucking him AT HIS HOUSE:

“We were able to determine at least four different times she had sexual intercourse with the child – three at her residence, one of those occurring at the victim’s residence,” Madison-Rankin District Attorney Michael Guest

Amber Jennings

In 2004, This 30-year old Massachusetts high school teacher thought it would be a good idea to send nekkid pics of herself to one of her 16-year old students under the screen name Redsox6606whore. What I don’t get is why she made a fake screen name to send the pics. Like, once her student got them, clearly she could be identified — so why not Amber.Jennings or whatever. Or maybe her main screen name was Redsox6606whore. I wouldn’t be that surprised about that.

Mary Kay Letourneau

Just simply sleeping with any female teacher doesn’t cut it these days fellas. In fact, you should keep roughly the same standards for looks as you would with people your own age. In 1997, Mary Kay Letourneau was arrested for having sex with 12 year old Vili Fualaau when he was in… wait for it… second grade.

Because he was probably still making machine gun sounds when he played with his GI Joes and eating lunchables, I’m gonna give this guy a pass for his quality control failure. However, his decision to marry her after she was released from her 7 1/2 year sentence still kind of boggles my mind.

Deborah Lafave

Jim: Hey, Bill, wanna go to the store? I just got my allowance and need to buy some stuff.
Bill: Sorry man, I’m only 15 and can’t drive without an adult. Got any ideas?

Jim: Hmm, maybe I can ask my 8th grade teacher
Bill: Wait, what? Ask your teacher to ride along??

Jim: Yeah, she’s pretty cool
Bill: Umm…

Jim: Yeah, she’ll come, but I have to sit in the back apparently…
Bill: Okay, this is pretty weird, but whatever I’ll grab the car

10 minutes later

Bill: Hey, what store do you want to go to?
Bill: … Jim
Bill: … Jim?
Deborah: Ohh do it there little Jimmy!

This was a little snippet from the independent amateur porn script I’m writing about the Deborah Lefave incident, called “Hot For Teacher 2.0: D in the B” and this is kind of how I envision the 14-year old unnamed victim pimp slaying his 23-year old newly-wed teacher Deborah Lefave in the backseat of a car while his 15-year old cousin drove.

I can’t tell you the shit I would do to have taken this kids place. This man (and, by the way, he became a man as soon as this went down, regardless of the fact that he was 14), got retardedly lucky. On one hand, he got to bang one of the hottest teachers I’ve seen in a while (hands down one of the hottest ones who wasn’t prude and was DTF). No doubt this came with crazy praise and a line of girls his age trying to go solo on the mic. And on the other, you know he got all sorts of breaks because of it. Tired of 4th period math class? Just say I’m traumatized and having relapses, boom, home in time to JO wit the computer in the living room before the parents come home.

Honestly, I have like 5 or 6 more of these that I planned on doing but Ima go fap to these Deborah Lafave pictures. I’ll post the rest as a follow up sometime later I guess.

As I write this the rain is just extending the inevitable outcome of tonight. That’s right, my boy Romo and I are going to beat you in Fantasy Football. Not that this was a difficult task, you suck at everything you do.  And to pass the time until it become official, this is me schooling you in two more of your favorite topics, Reality TV and Porn:

MTV challenge star Dunbar Flinn is getting into the orgy industry, and this should make it safe to say that the Red team is not winning Cutthroat.

Dunbar will be joining VH1 love/money show contestant Brooke Thompson (a.k.a. Flavor of Love’s Pumkin) in an upcoming episode of Playboy TV’s FOURSOME. I will let her explain why she is doing the show:

Still unknown is Brooke’s biolgical relationship to Catelynn Lowell from 16 and Pregnant.  Speaking of which, get ready for more dumb Southern girls, a new season starts at the end of the month:

Getting back to VH1, this channel is currently running another season of I Love Money, this time with four contestants from Megan Wants a Millionaire (none of which is believed to have killed anyone).  Doesn’t it prove that if you are on a reality show playing for $250,000 that you are not a millionaire?

Seeing her past love contestants on this show, I wondered what is my girl Megan Hauserman doing with her life.  As luck would have it, as soon as I got Showtime I had the answer, soft-core porn.  Megan is on a show that has the best Fantasy Basketball team name for the upcoming season, Beach Heat Miami.

While this may be the greatest acted soft-core porn to come around in some time, seeing Megan partially naked and pretending to have sex can only be related to finding out that Santa isn’t real.  I am still wondering what looked faker, her tits or her orgasm face.  Here is the trailer for the show:

Before I end this, I just want to get a bit of topic to say that none of the above shows come close to matching your obsession with both The Stallionaires and mythical creatures:

I have no idea how I did all this without bringing up Football Wives, but anyways…

Until we meet again in week 14, you are my bitch.

Cut your hair, you look like a girl.

xoxo,

Cracker with Cheese

Weeks after that, a young lady stopped by so that we could sexually pleasure each other. At one point, she asked for a t shirt, and in my drunken state grabbed the first shirt I could find, without realizing what it was. Needless to say, when I woke up next to this, I nearly pissed the bed laughing.

During:

After:

Story from TMZ

UPDATE: I felt like lyrics were necessary, so I decided to transcribe them:

I spread my legs wide open for ya baby
So be a man and pump it harder inside me
I’m naked here, layin, waitin for ya baby, alone, alone, alone
I’m comin closer getting wetter for ya baby
You got me feelin, you got me dreamin, wiling out
No need to worry, wanna feel your explosion inside me

Get me off (Just get off)

Now let me ride ya like a rodeo baby,
I’ll twirl around a couple times until I’m there
I’ll do it to ya all night till I make you cum, cum, cum
You need to run your fingers through my messy hair
You need to pull it back tight, baby touch me there
If you want to hear me screamin out loud

Get me off (Just get me off)

Let me love you right now
Fall before my feet
Let me love you right now
Every single beat
Let me love you right now
Can’t you feel the heat
Let me love you right now

Get me off (Just get me off) (x a lot)
Nasty girl (x a lot)
Get me off (Just get me off) (x a lot)

Premiering almost five weeks ago, the show is somewhat of a brain child of Shaunie O’Neal, an executive producer and ex-wife of Shaquille O’Neal.  The magnitude of what this show has done for me is a bit overwhelming:

Cast Lineup:

Taking a play from my previous basketball post on an all-white basketball league, let’s take a look at how the woman of the show represent a starting lineup and sixth man.  The height and crazy to this lineup is off the charts:

Giving some more background to this couples, Matt Barnes and Gloria Govan are the only people that appear to have heads on their shoulders. They clearly had no idea what this show was getting themselves into, and it seems landing on his seventh team in a city near the rest of these girls was just bad luck.

So far in the episodes Eric and Jennifer Williams are still married; and with Barnes, Eric is the only other actual basketball player getting air time; but because of his past cheating I don’t expect Eric to be stealing scenes much longer.

Evelyn Lozada spends much of her camera time explaining how she is not a gold digger and is moving on after separating from Antoine Walker (who has made over $100 million but is now bankrupt and playing in Puerto Rico and paying her thousands a month in child support).

BREAKING NEWS: The shimmy shake is trying to make a comeback!

Royce Reed is only named on the show as an past Heat and Magic dancer.  You won’t hear her mention Dwight Howard’s name, she legally can’t as she is banned from “using or publishing (orally, in writing, or otherwise), directly, indirectly or by innuendo, [Dwight's] name, nicknames, image, brand photographs, and/or likeness.“

Shaunie O’Neal, who calls herself the ‘Queen Bee’ of the girls, was served this letter after the first episode; she hasn’t been a major character since that episode.  To add to the drama, Shaq is allegedly putting his dick in Gloria’s sister.

After landing the number one overall bust Michael Olowokondi, Suzie Ketcham is fittingly the bust of this group as well.  This pair has two kids together, I want photographic proof to see how close to an alien these creatures are.

Episodes:

1.  Meeting the girls and Royce drama at a Super Bowl party (see video below).

2.  Evelyn throws herself a 34th birthday party with what is left of Antoine Walker’s money.  Episode introduces the one and only Eric Williams.

3.  Evelyn and Jen get disgusted by the city of Orlando.  Groupie conflict begins.

4.  Eric Williams steals the episode, housing hunting with Jen.  Listen up VH1, you need to start a spin-off show, house shopping with athletes and their wives who are about to get divorced.  Also, fancy restaurant fighting.  Posting this episode while it is still available online…

5. Make sure to watch this Sunday at 10:00pm.  The show is filmed in Miami, so remember there is a 40% chance you will see a Bangbros casting taking place in the background.

Drama:

Either I have very bad skills at finding videos on youtube, or VH1 is very protective of their content.  I can’t find any good clips from the show, this is all I can leave you with:

Season preview:

Introducing Plastic Surgery:

Terrell Owens and Ludacris Super Bowl party video of Royce Reed:

And I couldn’t end this post without showing that, since the start of the show, Evelyn Lozada had some self portraits make their way online:

NSFW IMAGE