Corporate Thuggin'

Archive for the ‘sports’ Category

What Does Big Ben Mean By Sexual Contact?

Mar 11, 2010 celebrities, crime, pop culture, sex, sports

So Big Ben Roethlisberger is back in the news for another sexual assault, but he technically never (motioning my index finger through a circle made with my other hand). So, I thought it was necessary to put together a list of what he may be referring to.

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Tags: ben, ben roe, ben roethlisberger, big ben, crime, football, pittsburgh, sex, sexual assault, sports, steelers

Entrance Songs For Tiger Woods’ Press Conference

Feb 18, 2010 audio, celebrities, news, pop culture, sex, sports, tv, video

I thought I’d give Tiger a few options for his walk up to the podium for tomorrow’s press conference. The Tiger songs are pretty lame to tell you the truth, but my suggestion for Elin transcends adultery.

Lil Wayne should have just called this one Tiger’s Autobiography

Anything from Three Six Mafia would def instill Tiger’s vibe

Do you think is possible that Tiger plays golf solely for the twat. Fred Durst thinks so. wow, that sentence is lame, but maybe Tiger’s Sunday red is a tribute to ole Freddy.

And… one for Elin.

Tags: elin, elin nordegren, golf, lil wayne, limp bizkit, sex, sports, three six mafia, tiger, Tiger Woods

One Day

Feb 18, 2010 advertisment, idiots, music, pop culture, sports, tv, video

What could be better than having a Hasidic Jew get you pumped up for the Winter Olympics:

Why not remix the song with rapper Akon:

This is kind of like having Busta Rhymes included on a remake of We Are the World 25; that’s right:

Tags: akon, busta rhymes, hasidic jew, matisyahu, we are the world 25, winter olympics

Super Bowl Commercials

Feb 8, 2010 advertisment, caption contest, celebrities, crime, government, idiots, internet, news, pittsburgh, politics, pop culture, sports, tv, video

Trying to come up with a title for this post was hard, seeing that every internet media blog has taken some variation of “Monday Morning Fill-in-a-term” even though they have no idea what sport reference this is making. ANYWAYS, as a whole I was upset with how unfunny the commercials happened to be this year. And if I see one more Denny’s commercial I will kill someone. You can find all the commercials on YouTube, but to save you time, this is all you need to know:

Best unintentional-intentional comedy that has no business trying to be funny:

Best showing of why Americans think Pittsburgh sucks:

Only commercial that got me to LOL, thanks Lamar:

Commercial that would have been funny if it wasn’t leaked before it aired [FYI - all the Doritos commercials sucked, and when someone at work reminded me that they were submitted to the company by ordinary people it makes me wonder why a they would waste $2.5 million on a spot]:

Most original idea that came from last year’s #1 summer comedy movie:

Best use of taking a popular TV show concept from a non-CBS station:

Worst use of tax money:

Bud Light was the, per usual, best brander this year, they also had the best rap artist joke from 2008:

Finally, the commercial you should watch about 100 times comes from Audi. It gets my M. Night Shyamalan award. To start, I thought it was a take on what America would be about if Al Gore was Prez. Also, for the first 40 seconds it will have you thinking it is a joke on white-collar crime, not to be confused with White-Collar Crime. During this time you may also think it is a joke about white people actually being capable of committing crime. Finally you will see it is about being a hippie:

… I also like this commercial because I play a small part in the financing of it

Tags: Al Gore, Audi, bud light, Census, Commerical, Dennys, doritos, Focus on the Family, hippie, Lamar Odom, Lost, m. night shyamalan, pittsburgh, Super Bowl, T-Pain, The Hangover, Tim Tebow, youtube

Sprite Wants That Ginger, Scalabrine, In The Dunk Contest

Jan 26, 2010 advertisment, celebrities, internet, pop culture, sports, tv, video

If you’re an NBA fan then you’re kind of pissed off that were not going to see the Lebron-Dwight matchup in this years dunk contest, it’s kind of like a girl telling you she’ll allow rear access and later she only shells out an HJ. In light in this, Sprite decided that they’d try and make the dunk contest seem cool even with this lack of star power. I’m assuming they thought those lame ass rap commercials about dunking would pump us up. They were wrong, watching these (video 1, video 2) actually gave me some pain in my right testicle. However, one group of men decided to take this premise and put it on it’s knees. They were the men of fatawesome and their dunk contest candidate is Brian Scalabrine.

Tags: basketball, brian scalabrine, dunk contest, dwight howard, fatawesome, lebron james, nba, sprite

White Done Right

Jan 25, 2010 celebrities, college, internet, news, photo, sports, tv

For those of you who may have missed it last week, a new professional basketball league has been proposed that would be labeled as “It’s all white, U.S. citizens [who were born] white.” Don ‘Moose’ Lewis, an Atlanta boxing and wrestling promoter said this All-American Basketball Alliance will start in several southern cities in June. Lewis makes the point that this is not racist, with his comment: “How are the Soul Train awards not racist? It’s not racist it’s just a niche, its entertainment.”

Personally, I think the way Lewis is going at it (middle, white America), will just turn into a league filled with white guys who think they can play, like this:

If you are going to start this league you have to do it right and this is how:

1. White guys in the U.S. are not at the level to were they can fill a league yet, we need to mix in an International conference.

2. Don’t limit locations to just the South, by using current NBA markets you can tap into their niche fans.

3. Because no one will think these teams can be any good you need to have them end a season with a playoff to find a league champion, with the winner playing two exhibition games. The first being against black guys who act white (team Urkels) and finally black guys who put fear in the eye of white people (team Black Power).

With these three rules you can organize the league, draft current NBA players, and create the following teams:

CONFERENCE AMERICA:

Boston White Hopes – guys who you want to succeed purely because they are white

Jose Jaun Barea – G
Chase Budinger – G
Brian Scalabrine – F
Kevin Love – F
David Lee – C
Brook Lopez – C

Indiana Minkus – guys who look like nerds that you could beat in your men’s league

Luke Ridnour – G
Coby Karl – G
Brian Cardinal – F
Steve Novak – F
Joel Przybilla –C
Jeff Foster – C

Phoenix Kappa Tappa Kega – guys who you would consider your best frat bro

Kirk Hinrich – G
Kyle Korver – G
Jason Kapono – F
Wally Szczerbiak – F
Troy Murphy – F
Luke Walton – F

Charlotte Neverlands – guys who wish they were still getting after it in the freshmen dorms

Travis Diener – G
J.J. Redick – G
Adam Morrison – F
Mike Dunleavy – F
Tyler Hansbrough – F
Steve Blake – G

Orlando Slim Shadys – guys who live outside their skin color

Mike Bibby – G
Jason Williams – G
Robert Swift – F
Chris Anderson – F
Brad Miller – C
Scot Pollard – C

Milwaukee Beast Ice – guys who might have been born through the breeding of cousins

Mike Miller – G
Chris Quinn – G
B.J. Mullens – F
Nick Collison – F
Chris Kaman – C
Joe Alexander – F

CONFERENCE WORLD:

Dallas Dragos – guys who would have played international villains in ’80s movies

Steve Nash – G
Marco Belinelli – G (included solely because he looks like Rocky Balboa)
Andrei Kirilenko – F
Dirk Nowitzki – F
Andris Biedrins – C
Jonas Jerebko – F

Portland Sabonis – guys who exude the legendary essence that is Arvydas Sabonis

Goran Dragic – G
Beno Udrih – G
Sasha Pavlovic – F
Oleksiy Pecherov – F
Zydrunas Ilgauskas – C
Darko Milicic – C

Toronto Grease – guys who look like creeps, but could be slammin’ your girl as we speak

Tony Parker – G
Sasha Vujacic – G
Pau Gasol – F
Luis Scola – F
Marc Gasol – C
Nenad Krstic – C

New York Carbombs mixture of players with Serbian, Turkish, Iranian and Greek backgrounds; let the fun begin

Marko Jaric – G
Peja Stojakovic – G
Hedo Turkoglu – F
Mehmet Okur – F
Hamed Haddadi – C
Kasta Koufos – C

Exhibition Teams:

San Antonio Urkels – guys that are black but who act white

Derek Fisher – G
Shane Battier – G
Grant Hill – F
Antawn Jamison – F
Tim Duncan – C
Chris Duhon – G

Denver Black Power – guys that are black and put fear in your eyes

Allen Iverson – G
Delonte West – G
Ron Artest – F
Kenyon Martin – F
Rasheed Wallace – C
DeShawn Stevenson – G

Tags: All-American Basketball Alliance, Along Came Polly, basketball, Don Lewis, nba, white people, whitethoughts

watch #bms or you’re gay, right @thadcastle

Jan 19, 2010 advertisment, college, idiots, internet, photo, sports, tv, video

If you have not watched an episode of Blue Mountain State (BMS) all you need to get hooked is the opening credits:

To sum it up: Boobs, Alcohol, Sports, College, Blowjobs.

Thank God people, or Chris Romano, have finally realized that if you make a show about drinking, sports, and shit talking and put it on after 10pm (swearing) it will be a perfect storm (see The League).

Premiering last Tuesday on Spike (yes, the same channel that has given us MANswers), BMS combines all the great parts of college life, at a school that is centered around a scandal filled sports team.

Episodes so far:

1. It’s Call Hazing, Look It Up

2. Craig Loses His Promise Ring In A Stripper

3. Tonight: Is That A Pocket Pussy

The star character of the show is half frat guy / half jock retard Thad Castle. In the first party scene Thad is shown, improving a part from Beerfest, snorting a line of a girls stomach, taking a bong hit, drinking beer out of a syringe, taking a pill off another girls tongue, then exhales. If only smoke came out of his mouth (pussy couldn’t handle the real shit). Another great Thad scene is him tackling a player, then standing over him yelling “9/11, 9/11… never forget.”

Tags: 9/11, alcohol, Beerfest, blowjobs, Blue Mountain State, BMS, boobs, Chris Romano, college, frat guy, hazing, jock retard, MANswers, pocket pussy, Spike, sports, stripper, Thad Castle, The League

Tiger’s Wife Turning Into Sarah Connor

Jan 19, 2010 celebrities, internet, movie, news, pop culture, sex, sports, tv

With each passing day, Elin is looking more like Sarah Connor from Terminator. While Tiger was getting after it, could Elin have been doing the same? Maybe she found a soldier from the future and got the shit plowed out of her. Maybe that kid’s the future savior of the human race. The weird thing is that Tiger acts more like a robot than Arnold did in the movie.

Tags: elin nordegren, film, golf, linda hamilton, look a like, movie, sarah connor, terminator, Tiger Woods

Monday Night Made Me Feel Like I Was In Fifth Grade

Jan 6, 2010 celebrities, internet, pop culture, sports, tv, video

Here are a couple of videos from this past Monday Night, we saw Bret Hart come back to WWE to hopefully take a shit, live on Vince McMahaon’s face, Vince definitely deserves it and Hart thinks he’s enough of a badass to pull off. However, this was child’s play in comparison to the return that TNA had going on. They brought back NWO and basically everyone that was ever a part of it, man Scott Hall (aka Razor Ramon) was too good. I don’t have much to say for this because I feel like I’m 12 again and my ability to make period jokes had not reached it’s full potential.