Diet Soda
Aug 23, 2010 uncategorized
Diet soda makes women cuntier. It’s science. Just like menstruation.
I Don’t Get It
Aug 17, 2010 uncategorized
Is she practicing for that Don’t Spill The Beans Game? Because they don’t sell that on her site.
ESPY SNL Hosts
Jul 17, 2010 caption contest, news, pop culture, sports, tv, uncategorized, video
Loading ...Tags: espn, ESPYs, Norm MacDonald, Seth Meyers
CYRUS
Jun 27, 2010 uncategorized
Guess I got my hopes up with this movies title, but it is good to see John C. Reilly taking on movie plots unlike any of his other work…
Tags: Catherine Keener, John C. Reilly, Jonah Hill, Marisa Tomei, miley cyrus, Step Brothers
Playboy’s 3-D Centerfold, A Dissertation
May 18, 2010 uncategorized
Today, the USPS brought me a very special present. Actually, it was Lil’ Biznas Planz who got it from the box (giggity) and brought it to my room. Playboy released the first-ever 3-D centerfold, and not since The Pop-up Book of Sex has a pair of titties jumped so far off the page.
So here’s the deal: there are two centerfolds in the June issue. The June Playmate-of-the-Month is not in 3-D, but she’s a 34D, and that’s just fine with me. I looked at her for a good 5 minutes with my 3-D glasses on, glancing from her rack to her snatch and then back to rack, before I realized that she was not popping off the page; regardless, it was time well spent. She also happens to have a bowl of Froot Loops between her legs, so she gets an extra 5 points in my book (she would have gotten 10 for Cap’n Crunch).
The Playmate of the Year is the second centerfold in the magazine and after coming across her foldout I realized that she was obviously the one in 3-D; thus, I felt like a dumbass. You get a little set of those red and blue 3-D glasses and some ear hinges so they can stay on hands-free. Just slap those bad boys on and the PotY pops out in all her glory. There’s some other pretty cool stuff in there too, but I finished before I could get to it. Actually, just a few pages back is an ad for Liberator Bedroom Adventure Gear – it’s not exactly rock climbing, but they have just as many harnesses.
So there you have it. The most comprehensive analysis of the first-ever 3-D centerfold ever typed with one hand.
Retired Basketball Relationships
May 6, 2010 celebrities, dumb girls, freaks, idiots, internet, news, nsfw, photo, pop culture, sex, she could get it, sports, tv, uncategorized, video
VH1 may have just taken the cake as the smartest reality TV show provider around. From the channel that has brought you [fill in the blank] Rehab with Dr. Drew, Hogan Knows Best, Breaking Bonaduce, The Pick-up Artist, Flavor of Love, Rock of Love, I Love Money, Megan Wants a Millionaire, Tool Academy, the list goes on; comes yet another ground breaking show, Basketball Wives. Judging by the fact that there is no Wikipedia entry for this show, I feel that America is not watching this masterpiece unfold. Take a look at what you are missing…
Premiering almost five weeks ago, the show is somewhat of a brain child of Shaunie O’Neal, an executive producer and ex-wife of Shaquille O’Neal. The magnitude of what this show has done for me is a bit overwhelming:
Cast Lineup:
Taking a play from my previous basketball post on an all-white basketball league, let’s take a look at how the woman of the show represent a starting lineup and sixth man. The height and crazy to this lineup is off the charts:
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| Matt Barnes – SF | Gloria Govan – Fiancee |
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| Eric Williams – PF | Jennifer Williams – Wife |
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| Antoine Walker – PF | Evelyn Lozada – Ex Wife |
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| Dwight Howard – C | Royce Reed – Baby Mama |
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| Shaquille O’Neal – C | Shaunie O’Neal – Ex Wife |
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| Michael Olowokondi – C | Suzie Ketcham – Ex Girlfriend |
Giving some more background to this couples, Matt Barnes and Gloria Govan are the only people that appear to have heads on their shoulders. They clearly had no idea what this show was getting themselves into, and it seems landing on his seventh team in a city near the rest of these girls was just bad luck.
So far in the episodes Eric and Jennifer Williams are still married; and with Barnes, Eric is the only other actual basketball player getting air time; but because of his past cheating I don’t expect Eric to be stealing scenes much longer.
Evelyn Lozada spends much of her camera time explaining how she is not a gold digger and is moving on after separating from Antoine Walker (who has made over $100 million but is now bankrupt and playing in Puerto Rico and paying her thousands a month in child support).
BREAKING NEWS: The shimmy shake is trying to make a comeback!
Royce Reed is only named on the show as an past Heat and Magic dancer. You won’t hear her mention Dwight Howard’s name, she legally can’t as she is banned from “using or publishing (orally, in writing, or otherwise), directly, indirectly or by innuendo, [Dwight's] name, nicknames, image, brand photographs, and/or likeness.“
Shaunie O’Neal, who calls herself the ‘Queen Bee’ of the girls, was served this letter after the first episode; she hasn’t been a major character since that episode. To add to the drama, Shaq is allegedly putting his dick in Gloria’s sister.
After landing the number one overall bust Michael Olowokondi, Suzie Ketcham is fittingly the bust of this group as well. This pair has two kids together, I want photographic proof to see how close to an alien these creatures are.
Episodes:
1. Meeting the girls and Royce drama at a Super Bowl party (see video below).
2. Evelyn throws herself a 34th birthday party with what is left of Antoine Walker’s money. Episode introduces the one and only Eric Williams.
3. Evelyn and Jen get disgusted by the city of Orlando. Groupie conflict begins.
4. Eric Williams steals the episode, housing hunting with Jen. Listen up VH1, you need to start a spin-off show, house shopping with athletes and their wives who are about to get divorced. Also, fancy restaurant fighting. Posting this episode while it is still available online…
5. Make sure to watch this Sunday at 10:00pm. The show is filmed in Miami, so remember there is a 40% chance you will see a Bangbros casting taking place in the background.
Drama:
Either I have very bad skills at finding videos on youtube, or VH1 is very protective of their content. I can’t find any good clips from the show, this is all I can leave you with:
Season preview:
Introducing Plastic Surgery:
Terrell Owens and Ludacris Super Bowl party video of Royce Reed:
And I couldn’t end this post without showing that, since the start of the show, Evelyn Lozada had some self portraits make their way online:
Tags: Antoine Walker, bangbros, basketball, Basketball Wives, Breaking Bonaduce, dwight howard, Eric Williams, Evelyn Lozada, Flavor of Love, Gloria Govan, Hogan Knows Best, I Love Money, Jennifer Williams, ludacris, Matt Barnes, megan wants a millionaire, miami, Michael Olowokondi, Rehab with Dr. Drew, Rock of Love, Royce Reed, Shaquille O'Neal, Shaunie O'Neal, Suzie Ketcham, Terrell Owens, The Pick-up Artist, tool academy, vh1
Who is More Patriotic
May 6, 2010 caption contest, government, news, photo, politics, school, uncategorized
Unless you are some kind of liberal fag, you probably came across this news story today:
American Patriots Daniel Galli, Austin Carvalho, Matt Dariano, Dominic Maciel and Clayton Howard were sent home from school on Cinco de Mayo for wearing American flag shirts and bandannas. The students were told “they must turn their T-shirts inside-out or be sent home.”
If you have a problem with this please feel free to call the school at (408) 201-6100, or email Principal Nick Boden at Nick.Boden@mhu.k12.ca.us
And while your heart is being filled with anti-Mexican rage, and likely still hung over from Drinko de Mayo; it is time to answer the most important question this story raises:
Loading ...Tags: america, Austin Carvalho, cinco de mayo, Clayton Howard, Daniel Galli, Dominic Maciel, Live Oak High School, Matt Dariano, Nick Boden, patriots
Chat Roulette 1, Invincible Period 1 (Cracker With Cheese also +1)
Apr 24, 2010 uncategorized
Cracker with Cheese gets bonus points for the banana. Our new friend loses points for the cum on his lower lip. Coffee Brandy wins points for being up my sheep’s ass.
Come all ye faithful
Apr 13, 2010 uncategorized
Are you lost in life? Searching for answers, seeking guidance? Has the Bible or perhaps the teachings of Marshall Applewhite let you down? Look no further, as an unstoppable force in the form of sound waves has culminated and will ultimately reign unmercifully over the human race. But fear not, if you pledge your life to discipleship under this force immediately your Shepard may allow you to survive long enough to witness something even more powerful than the emergence of the white power ranger. You may begin down the path of enlightenment by listening to the first ever CorporateThuggin.com podcast below. Alert your deaf and illiterate (same thing) colleagues that the teachings of CorporateThuggin.com are now available in the laziest of all media forms. Stay tuned for more episodes as well as a subscription offering in the iTunes store. For now, you can click play to listen in your browser, or rick-click download and click “save link as” to grab the mp3 and put it on your mp3 player of choice. While we cannot yet turn water into wine, we can turn ipods into ear-orgasm machines. So delete your Nickelback album collection, and make room for the thugcast.
Episode 1: The Pilot
The Panel: White-Collar Crime, Cracker with Cheese, Lil’ Biznas Planz, Invincible Period, with special guest Ginger Snatch
