Telephone
Mar 12, 2010 uncategorized
Hearing this song back in November, I can’t believe it took this long for a video to come out. After my last post, Invincible Period sent me a link to this video, ladies and gentleman, I give you the 2010 movie of the year:
My thoughts after watching it:
1. Prison is cool, but where else can I get cigarette glasses?
2. How bad does Madonna wish thongs were popular in the ’80s? Or, putting cans in your hair for curlers?
3. How many product placements / pop culture references could you name?
4. Shortest 10 minutes of my life
5. I love America too!
Wata Gata Pitus Berry
Mar 2, 2010 uncategorized
Just woke up from my nap (yeah it’s 1 am, what of it) and saw this video come on. I don’t really know what they’re saying here, sounds like some kind of Russian language. I never have any idea what Lil Jon is trying to say anyways, but my favorite part of the video is when he tries to read the Spanish dictionary because I’m pretty sure he can’t read. It’s a pretty catchy song and I know everyone is going to want to know what it means.
Logically, I’m thinking that it breaks down like this:
wata = “what” with an Italian accent; gata = spanish for female cat; pitus = kinda like the spanish slang for penis; berry = Halle Berry
Translation? “Halle Berry’s movie Catwoman gives me an erection”
Or it could just be a really good song about sluts. You figure it out. I’m not a goddamn dictionary.
Inside the life of a sorority girl
Feb 24, 2010 uncategorized
Can’t believe no one told me about this application before. Facebook has an application called Sorority Life where you can basically pretend to be a sorority girl and do things like slut it up, throw it down, spend money on stupid clothes, and ruin peoples lives. I was going to start a little series of posts on the life of the fake sorority girl I created (her name is Ridesalottacox), but then I realized how fucking stupid this application is.
Since this is a Facebook game it has to be real life, which teaches me that all sorority girls do is socialize, go to the bank, start fights, go to the spa, put on makeup, fingerblast (under the My Self tab)…and I’m assuming the Jobs tab is referencing those of the hand and blow variety. But one of the best things about this is that if you actually look at the jobs the girls are eligible for you will see that they can only be dog walkers or dining hall assistants (apparently even Starbucks is outta their league?).
This game really is retarded. I’ll just go back to watching girls bitchslap each other for the last cock standing at last call.
Where be my reverse seein’ devices??
Feb 19, 2010 uncategorized
So…went to go move my car the other day and something wasn’t quite right. I didn’t remember leaving my mirror on the ground and in multiple pieces. Apparently someone decided the wide open street wasn’t big enough, so they took the mirror clean off my car. Naturally I assumed it was an asian, or a woman, or a pirate ship driven by a guinea pig. Luckily they left a note that cleared everything up:
I’m not sure, but I think this person offered to buy me pitchers at Conor’s. I’m not too worried about the missing mirror – I found something much better to look at while I’m driving drunk…I mean just driving.
Oh, just in case you don’t believe me about the pirate guinea pigs…they’re real:
Things to Jack Off To, Part E-Cup
Feb 9, 2010 uncategorized
So I was out running tonight and this song came on my iPod. Yes, it was probably right between Miley and Taylor Swift. But I started thinking about how underrated this video is, especially every part with Lindsay’s extraordinary “i-just-started-taking-birth-control” sized knockers. Even PETA must be happy because those puppies are free-rangin’ all through the video. This was right around post-Mean Girls and pre-carpet-munching (two things that are AWESOME). Plus she’s in a cage….where all bitches should be.
Fun Emails from Sluts
Feb 6, 2010 uncategorized
Everyone knows that February 14th is Slutoberfest and lots of sluts have been hittin’ me up. Too bad these went to my spam box or I could probably be getting my knob robbed right now.
Do not write me a long time, waiting for Nastia!
Hi handsome – you were so good in bed with me -
I want to again make love to you – no 1 man I had never done so well as you have done -
I’ll procure very great pleasure – my body was looking at your pictures just on fire!
I came to you, and your number does not answer, Anna.
Hey – why do I stop writing? “I very much waited your letter – every day,
I now have a website, come to my page and write to me at last,
I’m waiting for you, and I want to meet with you, kisses – Nadia from Russia!
Forgot about his mistress?
Hi, I am sad and dreary one – there – In Moscow,
I live alone now hooked up the internet, that’s looking for someone to talk to,
I have a web camera as well as personal page on the internet, come on,
help me to remove my sadness.
I arrived only a week, very much want to see you!
Good day, I accidentally found a letter from you, I remember how we communicated with you.
You were so hot, let’s talk again – drop me to the page – I’ll wait for my very sweet!
I’m not sure who be these sluts, but they speak like Asian talk. Good thing I asked for Extenze for Christmas, and one of these.
Cat-In-A-Suit Meets Heidi
Feb 2, 2010 uncategorized
This past weekend I happened to find myself making cats out of bags, dressing them in suits, and well you can probably tell what happened next… Oh, and if you haven’t heard Heidi’s new CD, this is probably her highest point of 2010:
Stay tuned for Cat-In-A-Suit’s next adventure…which will be whenever I get another craving for Subway.
Oh my crazy Asian
Jan 28, 2010 uncategorized
Here at CT, there is alot of love for the Asians…..but I think we would all be overwhelmed by the new Korean group “Girls Generation”. I’m really not sure if these are the same song, but if you are listening, you’re a homo anyway.
State of the Union Address Recap
Jan 28, 2010 uncategorized
So, if you’re anything like me, then you probably wanted to smash your head on the wall 5 minutes into Obama’s State of the Union Address tonight. In fact, I’m pretty sure I could have seen better acting in the Married with Children marathon I was oh so tempted to watch…
But, I didn’t want to be that idiot in the office who has nothing to say about the historic speech, and neither should you. That’s why I put together this recap summarizing the most important points of his speech:
