Bruno Mars – Grenade

Another thing that pisses me off about Bruno Mars is that he looks like a guy trying to look like a girl trying to look like a guy.  If you have trouble following that, he looks like Janelle Monáe trying to look even more like a guy.

Visual Aid:

Two of these are Janelle, two are Bruno.  Can you tell the difference, no one can.

Lastly, there can only be one mainstream gay Bruno, and that market is already full:

Bruno Trailer

(watch on youtube)

Thankfully Kanye West was there to add the lyrics (1m : 58s):

“I met this MILF at the all-star getting action

A cougar with more rings than Phil Jackson

Told her beauty is why God invented eyeballs

And her booty is why God invented my balls”

Black Swan Trailer

This story has been confirmed via Mr. Carter’s jail blog: http://weezythanxyou.com/, as well as through victim notification:

I have an important message from VINE, New York’s Automated Victim Notification Service.  Please listen carefully to this message, you may want to have a pen and paper handy.  After the message you will be asked to enter your four digit pin to prevent repeated calls to this telephone number.  You are registered with us to receive updates about an offender with us whose last name is Carter (C A R T E R), and whose first name is Dwayne.  The offender’s New York State Identification Number is 02616544L.  I’m calling to tell you there has been a change in this offenders custody status.  This offender is no longer in custody, as of November 4th, 2010.  If you have any concerns about your immediate safety, contact your local law enforcement agency, or if you have an emergency call 911.

What is with these rappers and auto-tune?

As I write this the rain is just extending the inevitable outcome of tonight. That’s right, my boy Romo and I are going to beat you in Fantasy Football. Not that this was a difficult task, you suck at everything you do.  And to pass the time until it become official, this is me schooling you in two more of your favorite topics, Reality TV and Porn:

MTV challenge star Dunbar Flinn is getting into the orgy industry, and this should make it safe to say that the Red team is not winning Cutthroat.

Dunbar will be joining VH1 love/money show contestant Brooke Thompson (a.k.a. Flavor of Love’s Pumkin) in an upcoming episode of Playboy TV’s FOURSOME. I will let her explain why she is doing the show:

Still unknown is Brooke’s biolgical relationship to Catelynn Lowell from 16 and Pregnant.  Speaking of which, get ready for more dumb Southern girls, a new season starts at the end of the month:

Getting back to VH1, this channel is currently running another season of I Love Money, this time with four contestants from Megan Wants a Millionaire (none of which is believed to have killed anyone).  Doesn’t it prove that if you are on a reality show playing for $250,000 that you are not a millionaire?

Seeing her past love contestants on this show, I wondered what is my girl Megan Hauserman doing with her life.  As luck would have it, as soon as I got Showtime I had the answer, soft-core porn.  Megan is on a show that has the best Fantasy Basketball team name for the upcoming season, Beach Heat Miami.

While this may be the greatest acted soft-core porn to come around in some time, seeing Megan partially naked and pretending to have sex can only be related to finding out that Santa isn’t real.  I am still wondering what looked faker, her tits or her orgasm face.  Here is the trailer for the show:

Before I end this, I just want to get a bit of topic to say that none of the above shows come close to matching your obsession with both The Stallionaires and mythical creatures:

I have no idea how I did all this without bringing up Football Wives, but anyways…

Until we meet again in week 14, you are my bitch.

Cut your hair, you look like a girl.

xoxo,

Cracker with Cheese

During:

After:

Story from TMZ