First up is her gallery of “Your Best Halloween Costumes.” Everything starts out all cute (Wall-E and a Whale), creative (Chrysler Building and a Fighter Pilot, although that one could be a little terroristy), and generally accurate (fat girl dressed like a Vending Machine). But then things take a turn for the worse when she tries to incorporate some diversity into the album.

How do you dress the only black girls in your album? Like Mrs. Butterworth’s and a Waffle, of course. And how do you dress the Asian child? Not as sushi, but as a car – now that’s just ironic.

Her next album takes it up a notch: Baby Costumes. Also known as: How to Make Your Baby Look Like A Douchbag While They’re Too Young To Do Anything About It. The first few are cute: Spring Chicken, Little Lambs, Down Syndrome Owl, but what the fuck is going on in these pictures? Mincemeat pie is disgusting, and there’s no way I would eat that turkey – too much fat.

To be fair, Martha isn’t entirely racist, and she does try to incorporate other cultures into her lists. For example, her Thanksgiving Turkey Recipes list has a lot of standard turkey fare (Bacon-Roasted Turkey? Don’t mind if I do), but she was clearly thinking of the African American community with her Deep Fried Turkey. Is that a slave hand holding the pot? I think so… And why is there a rainbow cake mixed in with her St. Patrick’s Day recipes? Because fairies and leprechauns come from the same genus. Now you know.

Let’s be serious. If I was in the mood for some deep fried turkey, I’d do what the rest of the Dorchester community does and go to The Hen House for some chicken and waffles.

Oh, if you’re still wondering why I think Martha Stewart is a GILF, there’s this:

These minority students from Ohio University are standing up to Halloween costumes that are culturally offensive. There’s an Asian girl protesting Geishas, a Native American protesting bad grammar, a black girl protesting interracial sex, and that kid from Slumdog Millionaire protesting his father. I can’t blame them, if people showed up to my Halloween party wearing shitty costumes, I’d tell them to leave too. Except the Asian, she could stay.

Getting back to my point, I think these kids are really missing the bigger issue. There are a lot of costumes popping up these days that try to replicate some pretty disgusting stuff. No one wants to wake up next to someone dressed like a bloody tampon – that just raises the question: “was it bloody when we met?” And if you show up dressed like a dildo, you’re pretty much guaranteeing yourself a right-handed nightcap. This has to stop. If it were up to me, I’d have Jamal and his friends out there raising awareness about the real issues, because these costumes are not okay: