Are you kidding me?
Jan 19, 2010 corporate sluttin, music, she could get it, video
I defy anyone who reads this to disagree with the following statement:
She could get it.
Tags: selena gomez, she could get it, youtube
I’d NC her S
Jan 11, 2010 she could get it, tv
After watching the NCIS marathon over break, I’ve been thinking about enlisting in the Navy, then committing a crime just to get arrested.
Tags: cote de pablo, she could get it
The Shark
Jan 8, 2010 corporate sluttin, tv
On my flight back from hanging out with Emma Watson in London, I was watching the random TV episodes that were available on the seatback TV and started watching a show called The Shark. Pretty decent show but what made me occupy the plane’s bathroom for a hot minute rubbing one out wasn’t the plot line, but one of the main character’s daughter’s friends.
Of course, theres a clip of the episode on YouTube — the blonde was the one I added to the montage:
All I’m sayin is that if I were that dude, I woulda held out for more than 400 dollars — amirite?
Tags: Leighton Meester, she could get it
Lindsay Lohan: Goldilocks and the Three Breast Shots
Dec 15, 2009 celebrities, nsfw, sex, she could get it
Apparently Lindsay Lohan finally stopped eating box and started eating something that supports the natural development of her breasts. To demonstrate, she posed for some terrible magazine that I’ve never heard of, and shows some T&A in various stages of undress that I will describe to you using a very delicately-crafted allusion to Goldilocks and the Three Bears:
This porn is too soft-core:
This porn is too hard-core:
This porn is just right:
Oh, BTW this is NSFW, unless you work in a brothel, like Cracker with Cheese.
Tags: awesome, box, coochie lips, Lohan, porn, she could get it
Movies They Should Be Making, Part 1
Dec 14, 2009 college, movie, sex, she could get it
If I had things my way, they would be filming the sequel to The House Bunny as we speak. It would have to be a horror movie, because girls are always way sluttier in horror movies. Girls in horror movies also usually die, so there’s none of that awkward morning after stuff. This is how it would break down:
Title: The Last House Bunny On The Left 
Plot: The girls move into a new house (hint: it’s the last one on the left of the street) with their new pledges. Someone starts killing all the ugly girls, so Shelly decides to give all the girls makeovers because the pretty girls don’t die. There’s a movie montage where all the girls throw around clothes and then suddenly all the girls get hot. The hot girls have pillow fights (like in that Girlicious video) and then they decide to have another huge party to show the rest of the campus how hot they are, but only after they make another sexy calendar. At the party some more girls start dying, but only the one who aren’t slutty. Then some more things happen just like in that other movie that I like, and then Charlie’s Angels show up and catch the killer.
Surprise Twist Ending: All I can tell you is it involves cats…
Moral of the Story: If you don’t want to die in college, you need to be hot and slutty, or one of Charlie’s Angels.
Hopefully Anna Farris reads this. Someone tweet her.
Tags: cats, college, coochie lips, House Bunny 2, movie, she could get it
Ranking Tiger’s Mistresses
Dec 8, 2009 celebrities, idiots, internet, news, pop culture, sex, she could get it, sports, tv
I was going to give this post a few more days, but with a second porn star now added to the mix, i had to jump on it immediately. Accompanying the second porn star today came reports that Tiger was against using condoms. It sounds ludacris, but makes the story way better and could possibly make Eldrick an honorary member of Corporate Thuggin’ because there are no two things that define us more than networking on the golf course and fucking girls raw dog.
The Rank
1. Rachel Uchitel – she was the original name to be leaked to the public and it’s easy to see why she’s ranked number 1. She’s been linked to Seacrest and Stephen Dorff, yeah the guy from Blade, but I won’t hold it against, wait I definitely want to hold it against her.
2. Cori Rist – her biggest pro is that she is a swimsuit model, her biggest con is that she has a 7 year old son. Either way she’s the best of the rest.
3. Jamie Jungers – she’s a decent looking blonde that kind of looks like a southern sorority whore, which I’m definitely into, but she has admitted that Tiger paid for her to have liposuction on her thighs. I though Tiger was part black, and he wants his women to have lipo, there’s some contradiction there.
4. Jamie Grubbs – she has been featured on a program that is a true achievement in American television, Tool Academy. She also supplied the world with the voicemail of Tiger sounding like he’s going to piss himself. Her photos however range from “I’d def stick it in,” to “wow, I’d need a few PBRs,” so she’s at number 4 due to this inconsistency.
5. Kalika Moquin – she definitely has the dumbest name, but it kind of sounds like it could be some kind of alcoholic drink so I’ll give it to her. For this reason and what appear to be some saggy ass melons, she comes in at number 5.
6. Joslyn James – She is the highest ranked porn star on my list, and the reason behind this is that she got punded way harder in her movies than Ms. Sampson
7. Holly Sampson – the elder stateswhore at age 36, she has acted in films that both required and did not require her to load shot on her face. For her role as Kevin Arnold’s love interest in Wonder Years, I put her at number 7.
8. Unidentified Mistress 1 – reportedly is a “sex-addicted cougar,” Tiger would have called her the “19th hole”
9. Unidentified Mistress 2 – a sexy British TV host who was single when with Tiger, but it now married. Ihope it’s that bitch Alexa Chung from MTV, cause she’s annoying as fuck, but could definitely still get it.
10. Unidentified Mistress 3 – a former cocktail waitress from Orlando who has hired a lawyer and has yet to reveal herself – what a pussy.
11. Mindy Lawton – she kind of looks like she walked into a lot of walls over the course of her life, but I included her on the list for one reason. She works at Perkins and could hook me up with some grilled cheese sandwiches on the house.
Yeah he fucked a girl that worked at Perkins and looks like shit, when he had this at home more than willing to have his kids.
Tags: cori rist, elin nordegren, golf, holly sampson, jamie grubbs, jamie jungers, joslyn james, kalika moquin, mindy lawson, mistresses, no condoms, perkins, porn, rachel uchitel, raw dog, sex, she could get it, Tiger Woods, tool academy, voicemail, whores
Why Rihanna also deserves to get hit by a white guy
Nov 16, 2009 crime, she could get it
I was recently listening to one of the greatest musical masterpieces of all time, Significant Other by Limp Bizkit, when I was struck by a resemblance. While I don’t agree with Invincible Period that all minorities as thieves, there is no question that Rihanna is a filthy crook. Listen to the first 3 seconds of the drum line in both Limp Bizkit’s “Just like this” (released in 1999), and Rihanna’s “Umbrella” (released in 2007).
First Limp:
Now the thief hooker:
Tags: Racism, rap, she could get it
More Proof Miley Cyrus Hates Black People
Nov 9, 2009 she could get it, stuff people like, video
Her father is a country music star (not gangster hip hop), and she has dated not one, but two Disney channel stars (not BET stars) so we don’t need much more evidence, but hold onto your hoods, Miley fans. In a recent interview with some child molester Miley was asked which Jay-Z song inspired the “And a Jay-Z song was on” line on Party in the USA. She responded “I don’t know, I didn’t write the song, so I have no idea.” While I admire her cunty honesty, her next remark “I’ve never heard a Jay-Z song” makes her not only a liar, but a racist. Prove me wrong Miley… or should I say, Grand Wizard Cyrus? The only way to right your lifetime of racism is to murder Heidi Klum and wed Seal, the blackest man on Earth. Until then, its not a party in the USA, its a party with the KKK.
(fast forward to 3:00, unless you are into kids)
Tags: miley cyrus, Racism, she could get it
How Twitter made me climax
Nov 3, 2009 celebrities, corporate sluttin
Tags: awesome, she could get it, twitter
Hottest (Female) Halloween Costumes – Part 1
Oct 23, 2009 corporate sluttin, she could get it
Now don’t go gettin’ all sexual on me, but I’m about to break down this year’s hottest Halloween costumes for the ladies in our audience.
Ladies: If you’re going through a little bit of a dry spell, consider sporting one of these outfits next weekend.
Gentlemen: Remember, there’s nothing that a few rounds of free shots from Our House can’t solve.
Without further ado:
1. Referee
There are few hotter things on this planet when you’re blackout at the bar than seeing a ref walk through ready to call timeout on your ass. So many amazing things go through your head: I’d show her roughing the passer… Anyway, warning: Ladies, make sure you are a referee and not an umpire, that’d just be weird.
Yeah, I’d like to take a tour of your apartment, sure.
I included this for two reasons. 1) This girl is making a ridiculous face. And 2) To point out that it really makes no difference what face she makes, I’d still hit that in a second.
2. French Maid
For all I know about French, Parlez-Vous Français is the same thing as Voulez Vouz Coucher Avec Moi. Oh yeah, and the entire country is really only good for their fries, which are now called Freedom Fries.
“Place looks pretty clean, you did a good job, lets go workout a payment plan…”
“Yeah hun, I think you missed a spot, yeah lower, around there, nope still missing it, a little higher, lower, higher…”
3. School Girl
Normally, I prefer the Catholic variety, but I guess any denomination of school girl works.
Okay, this is obviously taken in a hotel room, and we all know what goes down in hotel rooms. Gratz photographer.
Whats better than one schoolgirl? FIVE schoolgirls. I could probably handle all 5, but I got a few friends who’d be jealous…
So I’ll just take the blowie so they don’t know they’re getting sloppy seconds.
4. Football Girl
ASU, She could get it.
She definitely could get it.
5. Police Officer
Yeah, you should probably call for backup, cause you’re about to get slayed.
I added this for two reasons – 1) Because the name of the image was officermcnasty.jpg and 2) because they’re trying to show the utility of the outfit by showing different possible uses for it. Like, as if the whole point in wearing this wasn’t just to have it taken off later by some guy who (if he’s lucky) probably won’t have to talk to you again after the next morning when you awkwardly do the walk of shame still wearing the cop outfit.
This concludes part 1 — stay tuned for updates from the rest of the CT Staff.
Holla at P. Nis for more info.
Some of the images courtesy of: pac-10poon, Ladies Lucky Lingerie
Tags: she could get it
