Corporate Thuggin'

Posts Tagged ‘she could get it’

Songs you can jack off to

May 15, 2010 music, she could get it

I don’t know about you, but sometimes when I try to jack off to music videos I have to mute them just to finish. The worst part is when they try to work in a story line and you have that break in the song that totally kills the buzz, kind of like that part in that soft core porn video I watched where they put their clothes back on to solve the mystery. Thank god for Tila Tequila. Now here’s a song you can jack off to. I tried to count how many times she said “wet” and “cum” but I got sidetracked at that part where she says she wants to feel your explosion inside her.

UPDATE: I felt like lyrics were necessary, so I decided to transcribe them:

I spread my legs wide open for ya baby
So be a man and pump it harder inside me
I’m naked here, layin, waitin for ya baby, alone, alone, alone
I’m comin closer getting wetter for ya baby
You got me feelin, you got me dreamin, wiling out
No need to worry, wanna feel your explosion inside me

Get me off (Just get off)

Now let me ride ya like a rodeo baby,
I’ll twirl around a couple times until I’m there
I’ll do it to ya all night till I make you cum, cum, cum
You need to run your fingers through my messy hair
You need to pull it back tight, baby touch me there
If you want to hear me screamin out loud

Get me off (Just get me off)

Let me love you right now
Fall before my feet
Let me love you right now
Every single beat
Let me love you right now
Can’t you feel the heat
Let me love you right now

Get me off (Just get me off) (x a lot)
Nasty girl (x a lot)
Get me off (Just get me off) (x a lot)

Tags: she could get it, Tila Tequila, tila tequila get me off lyrics

Slut Bunny

Apr 9, 2010 music, sex, she could get it

I have a new favorite song. It’s not just because the lyrics are incredible and the video reminds of that scene in Showgirls when Jessie Spano is giving her first lapdance (which is pretty much foreplay to her sex scene in the pool), but mainly because it’s by the quiet girl from the House Bunny. As we all remember, Lilly was the sister that never talked and usually hid behind things, until Shelley came along and made her into a hottie (Exhibit A). Well, looks like that rubbed off, because now she’s a total slut and I’m excited. Speaking of rubbing one off…

Tags: box, Kiely Williams, sex, she could get it, Spectacular

Are you kidding me?

Jan 19, 2010 corporate sluttin, music, she could get it, video

I defy anyone who reads this to disagree with the following statement:

She could get it.

Tags: selena gomez, she could get it, youtube

I’d NC her S

Jan 11, 2010 she could get it, tv

After watching the NCIS marathon over break, I’ve been thinking about enlisting in the Navy, then committing a crime just to get arrested.

Tags: cote de pablo, she could get it

The Shark

Jan 8, 2010 corporate sluttin, tv

On my flight back from hanging out with Emma Watson in London, I was watching the random TV episodes that were available on the seatback TV and started watching a show called The Shark. Pretty decent show but what made me occupy the plane’s bathroom for a hot minute rubbing one out wasn’t the plot line, but one of the main character’s daughter’s friends.

Of course, theres a clip of the episode on YouTube — the blonde was the one I added to the montage:

All I’m sayin is that if I were that dude, I woulda held out for more than 400 dollars — amirite?

Tags: Leighton Meester, she could get it

Lindsay Lohan: Goldilocks and the Three Breast Shots

Dec 15, 2009 celebrities, nsfw, sex, she could get it

Apparently Lindsay Lohan finally stopped eating box and started eating something that supports the natural development of her breasts. To demonstrate, she posed for some terrible magazine that I’ve never heard of, and shows some T&A in various stages of undress that I will describe to you using a very delicately-crafted allusion to Goldilocks and the Three Bears:

This porn is too soft-core:

This porn is too hard-core:

This porn is just right:

Oh, BTW this is NSFW, unless you work in a brothel, like Cracker with Cheese.

Tags: awesome, box, coochie lips, Lohan, porn, she could get it

Movies They Should Be Making, Part 1

Dec 14, 2009 college, movie, sex, she could get it

If I had things my way, they would be filming the sequel to The House Bunny as we speak. It would have to be a horror movie, because girls are always way sluttier in horror movies. Girls in horror movies also usually die, so there’s none of that awkward morning after stuff. This is how it would break down:

Title: The Last House Bunny On The Left

Plot: The girls move into a new house (hint: it’s the last one on the left of the street) with their new pledges. Someone starts killing all the ugly girls, so Shelly decides to give all the girls makeovers because the pretty girls don’t die. There’s a movie montage where all the girls throw around clothes and then suddenly all the girls get hot. The hot girls have pillow fights (like in that Girlicious video) and then they decide to have another huge party to show the rest of the campus how hot they are, but only after they make another sexy calendar. At the party some more girls start dying, but only the one who aren’t slutty. Then some more things happen just like in that other movie that I like, and then Charlie’s Angels show up and catch the killer.

Surprise Twist Ending: All I can tell you is it involves cats…

Moral of the Story: If you don’t want to die in college, you need to be hot and slutty, or one of Charlie’s Angels.

Hopefully Anna Farris reads this. Someone tweet her.

Tags: cats, college, coochie lips, House Bunny 2, movie, she could get it

Ranking Tiger’s Mistresses

Dec 8, 2009 celebrities, idiots, internet, news, pop culture, sex, she could get it, sports, tv

I was going to give this post a few more days, but with a second porn star now added to the mix, i had to jump on it immediately. Accompanying the second porn star today came reports that Tiger was against using condoms. It sounds ludacris, but makes the story way better and could possibly make Eldrick an honorary member of Corporate Thuggin’ because there are no two things that define us more than networking on the golf course and fucking girls raw dog.

The Rank

1. Rachel Uchitel – she was the original name to be leaked to the public and it’s easy to see why she’s ranked number 1. She’s been linked to Seacrest and Stephen Dorff, yeah the guy from Blade, but I won’t hold it against, wait I definitely want to hold it against her.

2. Cori Rist – her biggest pro is that she is a swimsuit model, her biggest con is that she has a 7 year old son. Either way she’s the best of the rest.

3. Jamie Jungers – she’s a decent looking blonde that kind of looks like a southern sorority whore, which I’m definitely into, but she has admitted that Tiger paid for her to have liposuction on her thighs. I though Tiger was part black, and he wants his women to have lipo, there’s some contradiction there.

4. Jamie Grubbs – she has been featured on a program that is a true achievement in American television, Tool Academy. She also supplied the world with the voicemail of Tiger sounding like he’s going to piss himself. Her photos however range from “I’d def stick it in,” to “wow, I’d need a few PBRs,” so she’s at number 4 due to this inconsistency.

5. Kalika Moquin – she definitely has the dumbest name, but it kind of sounds like it could be some kind of alcoholic drink so I’ll give it to her. For this reason and what appear to be some saggy ass melons, she comes in at number 5.

6. Joslyn James – She is the highest ranked porn star on my list, and the reason behind this is that she got punded way harder in her movies than Ms. Sampson

7. Holly Sampson – the elder stateswhore at age 36, she has acted in films that both required and did not require her to load shot on her face. For her role as Kevin Arnold’s love interest in Wonder Years, I put her at number 7.

8. Unidentified Mistress 1 – reportedly is a “sex-addicted cougar,” Tiger would have called her the “19th hole”

9. Unidentified Mistress 2 – a sexy British TV host who was single when with Tiger, but it now married. Ihope it’s that bitch Alexa Chung from MTV, cause she’s annoying as fuck, but could definitely still get it.

10. Unidentified Mistress 3 – a former cocktail waitress from Orlando who has hired a lawyer and has yet to reveal herself – what a pussy.

11. Mindy Lawton – she kind of looks like she walked into a lot of walls over the course of her life, but I included her on the list for one reason. She works at Perkins and could hook me up with some grilled cheese sandwiches on the house.

Yeah he fucked a girl that worked at Perkins and looks like shit, when he had this at home more than willing to have his kids.

Tags: cori rist, elin nordegren, golf, holly sampson, jamie grubbs, jamie jungers, joslyn james, kalika moquin, mindy lawson, mistresses, no condoms, perkins, porn, rachel uchitel, raw dog, sex, she could get it, Tiger Woods, tool academy, voicemail, whores

Why Rihanna also deserves to get hit by a white guy

Nov 16, 2009 crime, she could get it

I was recently listening to one of the greatest musical masterpieces of all time, Significant Other by Limp Bizkit, when I was struck by a resemblance. While I don’t agree with Invincible Period that all minorities as thieves, there is no question that Rihanna is a filthy crook. Listen to the first 3 seconds of the drum line in both Limp Bizkit’s “Just like this” (released in 1999), and Rihanna’s “Umbrella” (released in 2007).

First Limp:

Now the thief hooker:

Tags: Racism, rap, she could get it

More Proof Miley Cyrus Hates Black People

Nov 9, 2009 she could get it, stuff people like, video

Her father is a country music star (not gangster hip hop), and she has dated not one, but two Disney channel stars (not BET stars) so we don’t need much more evidence, but hold onto your hoods, Miley fans. In a recent interview with some child molester Miley was asked which Jay-Z song inspired the “And a Jay-Z song was on” line on Party in the USA. She responded “I don’t know, I didn’t write the song, so I have no idea.” While I admire her cunty honesty, her next remark “I’ve never heard a Jay-Z song” makes her not only a liar, but a racist. Prove me wrong Miley… or should I say, Grand Wizard Cyrus? The only way to right your lifetime of racism is to murder Heidi Klum and wed Seal, the blackest man on Earth. Until then, its not a party in the USA, its a party with the KKK.