Corporate Thuggin'

Posts Tagged ‘tool academy’

Retired Basketball Relationships

May 6, 2010 celebrities, dumb girls, freaks, idiots, internet, news, nsfw, photo, pop culture, sex, she could get it, sports, tv, uncategorized, video

VH1 may have just taken the cake as the smartest reality TV show provider around. From the channel that has brought you [fill in the blank] Rehab with Dr. Drew, Hogan Knows Best, Breaking Bonaduce, The Pick-up Artist, Flavor of Love, Rock of Love, I Love Money, Megan Wants a Millionaire, Tool Academy, the list goes on; comes yet another ground breaking show, Basketball Wives. Judging by the fact that there is no Wikipedia entry for this show, I feel that America is not watching this masterpiece unfold. Take a look at what you are missing…

Premiering almost five weeks ago, the show is somewhat of a brain child of Shaunie O’Neal, an executive producer and ex-wife of Shaquille O’Neal. The magnitude of what this show has done for me is a bit overwhelming:

Cast Lineup:

Taking a play from my previous basketball post on an all-white basketball league, let’s take a look at how the woman of the show represent a starting lineup and sixth man. The height and crazy to this lineup is off the charts:


Matt Barnes – SF	Gloria Govan – Fiancee

Eric Williams – PF	Jennifer Williams – Wife

Antoine Walker – PF	Evelyn Lozada – Ex Wife

Dwight Howard – C	Royce Reed – Baby Mama

Shaquille O’Neal – C	Shaunie O’Neal – Ex Wife

Michael Olowokondi – C	Suzie Ketcham – Ex Girlfriend

Giving some more background to this couples, Matt Barnes and Gloria Govan are the only people that appear to have heads on their shoulders. They clearly had no idea what this show was getting themselves into, and it seems landing on his seventh team in a city near the rest of these girls was just bad luck.

So far in the episodes Eric and Jennifer Williams are still married; and with Barnes, Eric is the only other actual basketball player getting air time; but because of his past cheating I don’t expect Eric to be stealing scenes much longer.

Evelyn Lozada spends much of her camera time explaining how she is not a gold digger and is moving on after separating from Antoine Walker (who has made over $100 million but is now bankrupt and playing in Puerto Rico and paying her thousands a month in child support).

BREAKING NEWS: The shimmy shake is trying to make a comeback!

Royce Reed is only named on the show as an past Heat and Magic dancer. You won’t hear her mention Dwight Howard’s name, she legally can’t as she is banned from “using or publishing (orally, in writing, or otherwise), directly, indirectly or by innuendo, [Dwight's] name, nicknames, image, brand photographs, and/or likeness.“

Shaunie O’Neal, who calls herself the ‘Queen Bee’ of the girls, was served this letter after the first episode; she hasn’t been a major character since that episode. To add to the drama, Shaq is allegedly putting his dick in Gloria’s sister.

After landing the number one overall bust Michael Olowokondi, Suzie Ketcham is fittingly the bust of this group as well. This pair has two kids together, I want photographic proof to see how close to an alien these creatures are.

Episodes:

1. Meeting the girls and Royce drama at a Super Bowl party (see video below).

2. Evelyn throws herself a 34th birthday party with what is left of Antoine Walker’s money. Episode introduces the one and only Eric Williams.

3. Evelyn and Jen get disgusted by the city of Orlando. Groupie conflict begins.

4. Eric Williams steals the episode, housing hunting with Jen. Listen up VH1, you need to start a spin-off show, house shopping with athletes and their wives who are about to get divorced. Also, fancy restaurant fighting. Posting this episode while it is still available online…

5. Make sure to watch this Sunday at 10:00pm. The show is filmed in Miami, so remember there is a 40% chance you will see a Bangbros casting taking place in the background.

Drama:

Either I have very bad skills at finding videos on youtube, or VH1 is very protective of their content. I can’t find any good clips from the show, this is all I can leave you with:

Season preview:

Introducing Plastic Surgery:

Terrell Owens and Ludacris Super Bowl party video of Royce Reed:

And I couldn’t end this post without showing that, since the start of the show, Evelyn Lozada had some self portraits make their way online:

NSFW IMAGE

Tags: Antoine Walker, bangbros, basketball, Basketball Wives, Breaking Bonaduce, dwight howard, Eric Williams, Evelyn Lozada, Flavor of Love, Gloria Govan, Hogan Knows Best, I Love Money, Jennifer Williams, ludacris, Matt Barnes, megan wants a millionaire, miami, Michael Olowokondi, Rehab with Dr. Drew, Rock of Love, Royce Reed, Shaquille O'Neal, Shaunie O'Neal, Suzie Ketcham, Terrell Owens, The Pick-up Artist, tool academy, vh1

Ranking Tiger’s Mistresses

Dec 8, 2009 celebrities, idiots, internet, news, pop culture, sex, she could get it, sports, tv

I was going to give this post a few more days, but with a second porn star now added to the mix, i had to jump on it immediately. Accompanying the second porn star today came reports that Tiger was against using condoms. It sounds ludacris, but makes the story way better and could possibly make Eldrick an honorary member of Corporate Thuggin’ because there are no two things that define us more than networking on the golf course and fucking girls raw dog.

The Rank

1. Rachel Uchitel – she was the original name to be leaked to the public and it’s easy to see why she’s ranked number 1. She’s been linked to Seacrest and Stephen Dorff, yeah the guy from Blade, but I won’t hold it against, wait I definitely want to hold it against her.

2. Cori Rist – her biggest pro is that she is a swimsuit model, her biggest con is that she has a 7 year old son. Either way she’s the best of the rest.

3. Jamie Jungers – she’s a decent looking blonde that kind of looks like a southern sorority whore, which I’m definitely into, but she has admitted that Tiger paid for her to have liposuction on her thighs. I though Tiger was part black, and he wants his women to have lipo, there’s some contradiction there.

4. Jamie Grubbs – she has been featured on a program that is a true achievement in American television, Tool Academy. She also supplied the world with the voicemail of Tiger sounding like he’s going to piss himself. Her photos however range from “I’d def stick it in,” to “wow, I’d need a few PBRs,” so she’s at number 4 due to this inconsistency.

5. Kalika Moquin – she definitely has the dumbest name, but it kind of sounds like it could be some kind of alcoholic drink so I’ll give it to her. For this reason and what appear to be some saggy ass melons, she comes in at number 5.

6. Joslyn James – She is the highest ranked porn star on my list, and the reason behind this is that she got punded way harder in her movies than Ms. Sampson

7. Holly Sampson – the elder stateswhore at age 36, she has acted in films that both required and did not require her to load shot on her face. For her role as Kevin Arnold’s love interest in Wonder Years, I put her at number 7.

8. Unidentified Mistress 1 – reportedly is a “sex-addicted cougar,” Tiger would have called her the “19th hole”

9. Unidentified Mistress 2 – a sexy British TV host who was single when with Tiger, but it now married. Ihope it’s that bitch Alexa Chung from MTV, cause she’s annoying as fuck, but could definitely still get it.

10. Unidentified Mistress 3 – a former cocktail waitress from Orlando who has hired a lawyer and has yet to reveal herself – what a pussy.

11. Mindy Lawton – she kind of looks like she walked into a lot of walls over the course of her life, but I included her on the list for one reason. She works at Perkins and could hook me up with some grilled cheese sandwiches on the house.